My roommates grandmother passed away about three weeks ago. Through her loss, I couldn't help but remember the loss of Pappy and Grandma and be transported back to those crazy weeks.
Pappy died 6 February 2010. Mom had driven down a week and a half before his death because we knew the end was in sight. Mom called Dad on Monday or Tuesday and said that she didn't think Pappy was going to last more than two days. Dad took the first available flight out. The rest of us were at home waiting for the call. I was in my first year of college trying to figure out how much school I could miss for the death of a grandparent. I was busy trying to get work off and be ready to leave at the drop of a hat.
By Friday, Pappy was still alive, though he hadn't eaten or drunk in days. Mom told us to drive to Matt and Michelle's in Indiana. The Four and Naomi piled into Naomi's car, which didn't have a working car adapter, and made the drive to Indiana. A horrible snowstorm was coming through which meant it took us closer to nine or ten hours to arrive instead of the normal seven. It also meant we spent a good hour sitting on the highway without moving. We entertained by crouching around Joanna's iPod watching What's Up Doc. Also enjoying Naomi's crazy heat--burning hot one minute and then not working at all later.
We arrived late at Matt and Michelle's tiny apartment and crowded in crashing on their sofas and floor. Saturday, we were in limbo as Pappy was still hanging on throughout the day. Michelle introduced us to her delicious White Chicken Chili, we watched Arrested Development, and 500 Days of Summer, waiting, waiting for the call and trying to decide what we would do for school and work if the call didn't come through that weekend. I don't remember if it was dinner time or past, but the call finally came. I cried knowing that I would never see Pappy again on this earlth but would one day be reunited with him in heaven.
We drove Sunday morning to Pennsylvania, I, with Matt and Michelle in their truck, and the rest with Naomi in her car. We arrived and ended up watching the New Orleans Saints defeat the Indianapolis Colts in the Super Bowl. Still one of the greatest Super Bowls I remember just because it was a great time to bond and watch it with my family and relatives.
Monday, the family started to trickle on in. Dan and The Four made homemade pizza for dinner. People made runs to and from the airport for all those who were flying in.
Tuesday was all day visitation. One at two and one at seven. That was one of the longest days of my life. I hadn't ever seen anyone I loved so much dead before. I hadn't seen them with all the make-up and wrinkles gone as they lay in the casket. I sobbed uncontrollably. I remember Mom and Matt comforting me. After the initial burst, I was okay, but I walked away with such a nauseous headache. Carol's family provided dinner at her mom's house which was just superb. But my head raged on and we still had two more hours to go in the evening. Finally everything wrapped up. I was raw and hurting and lashed out my sister for worrying about the sleeping arrangements at a time like this. I was being foolish.
The service was Wednesday morning starting at the funeral home and then ending at the church. There was too much snow on the ground and the roads were too dangerous for everyone to go to the burial, so the color guard played Taps and folded the flag of honor for Pappy and gave it to Grandma just outside of the sanctuary. I could not keep it together during that moment. Two of my aunts went to bury Pappy while we went downstairs for the luncheon. It also happened to be my cousin's birthday. We ate and caught up, waiting to sing and eat his cake until his mom returned from burying her dad. It was fitting to sing the Ledgerwood version of Happy Birthday on the day we buried Pappy, to honor him and let him know his legacy was living on.
Then began the long drive home throughout the afternoon and evening arriving early Thursday morning where I then stumbled to bed and woke scant hours latter to arrive bleary eyed at my 7:20 AM class.
Grandma held out for three more years and passed away 30 May 2013, just a couple of weeks after Calin was born making Grandma a Great-Grandma for the second time and my Dad a Pappy for the first. Grandma's health had been failing for a good while too. She defied all odds and lived for many, many years after her severe car accident which partially paralyzed her.
This loss happened when I had one week left of student teaching. I received the call that Thursday as I was at school. School had finished for the day, and I was prepping for the next day. Mom was the one who called, just like when Pappy died. I remember my cooperating teacher giving me a hug and comforting me after I hung up. We left early Saturday morning, but this time we drove down with The Four picking Joanna up in Milwaukee. From there, we enjoyed the ten hour car ride to Pennsylvania like only The Four can.
Sunday was visitation. Going through the good-bye process is never easy, but the second time I knew more what to expect. Again, Carol's family provided a delicious dinner in between the visitations. The service and burial were on Monday. This time, the weather was nice so we all were able to drive to the burial site. Lunch was next and more catch up time with the cousins and relatives.
Joanna left to catch a flight right after the funeral and lunch. RuthAnn, Philip, and I were going to leave Wednesday morning, but we arrived back at Dennis and Carol's around 2 and just decided to get in the car and drive back. None of us had to be back until Thursday. RuthAnn and I traded off as Philip helped keep us awake. We made it back, exhausted and fell into bed grateful for the full-day at home before returning to work Thursday.
The hardest part about loss is all you want to share with those who are gone. Many things have happened in these five years that I want to share with my Pappy and Grandma. I think of Grandma and how she always encouraged me to get an education and never held me back from my dreams. I think of how proud she was of all her grandchildren and their various accomplishments. I want to tell her that I was able to get a job right out of college and how I have lived on my own for almost two years. I want to sit next to her and learn more about her childhood and her nursing escapades. I want to talk with Pappy about the Oldies and how I think about him every time I hear Blue Skies. I want to walk with him and learn more about his time in World War 2, his work for the tire companies, and how he finally started his own business. I want to tell them about my students and coworkers and all the crazy things which happen throughout a teaching day. I want to share with them my new life on my own. I want to sit and play Uno with Grandma and take a walk with Pappy.
My time to share my life and learn more about their life is past. I cling to the special memories of my years with them and thank God for the precious years I was able to have with Grandma and Pappy. I will always miss you Grandma and Pappy, but I look forward to the day we will be reunited in heaven!
