Mom

If Pappy would still be alive, today, he would be 91 years old. In the years since losing Pappy and Grandma, I have more or less moved on. I know, though, their deaths have affected my dad and his siblings more. Maybe it is because she has been on my mind this past week leading up to Mother's Day, but for some reason, the thought popped into my head of what I would do if I lost Mom.

Mom is the first person I go to for advice. I know she will always tell me the truth and no matter the situation or circumstance of life, she will point me back to God. Through my life, she has always challenged me to think and view life from God's perspective.

As I reminisced yesterday, I came across this post from almost four years ago where Mom gently rebuked my selfishness and unwillingness to take the trial from God. I remember how crabby and nasty I was at the beginning of that semester. I was always close to tipping over and spilling out my anger and frustration at the smallest thing. Looking back, I realize now, how unsettled I was and how I completely refused to trust God with all He had brought into my life. During those quiet hours of stocking shelves, I did determine to heed Mom's wisdom. She was right, I was unwilling to be stretched and "me" filled my brain and my actions.

I remember another moment when I completely lashed out in anger at her, and she responded calmly, gently, and with great wisdom. In high school, I blamed her and Dad for where I was and why I did so poorly on a test. I was so short-sighted. My words and actions could have harmed our relationship permanently, but Mom didn't allow bitterness to reign in my heart or her own, and instead, I believe, forgave immediately. Even though, I was in the wrong.

To me, Mom exemplifies living like Christ every day. She sacrificed, lovingly and more than I will likely ever know, to be my Mom. She gave up comforts, desires, and needs for me. She poured her life into her children, not looking for fame and glory by the world's standards. Humbling toiling and living the incredibly hard life of a stay-at-home mom of eight children.

We would always tease her about her constant birthday wish. Whenever we would ask Mom what she wanted for her birthday, Mother's Day, or Christmas, she would always respond, "That my children would walk in the Lord" or something along the lines of children living for God and serving God. We would always respond, "But Mom, something that we can actually give you!" She would always say, "This is something you can give me." It is what she wanted more than anything else.

Mom, thank you for investing and pouring your life into mine. Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for never giving up on me, for always challenging me to think and view life from God's perspective. Thank you for always pointing me back to God in every situation and circumstance of life. Thank you for being my Mom and my friend. I love you, Mom.

Relationship Oriented

You know that I can be woefully obtuse about myself at times. It can take me years to understand a part of myself which someone who knows me for two weeks can figure out. A conversation, in February, opened my eyes to how I am a relationship oriented person. I have believed in the power of building relationships for years, yet I would have never classified myself as a relationship oriented person. Just like I never realized my perfectionist tendencies until three friends, over forty-eight hours on three separate occasions, pointed it out to me.

I chose my job to build relationships. I chose my church because of the close knit relationships and the family atmosphere from the moment I walked through the door. I don't want to build impersonal relationships with my friends but lasting and deep friendships. I believe it is through building relationships that lives are changed. I thrive off of and yearn for those close knit relationships in my life.

This year has shown me the power and need for relationships in my life. Life is not meant to be lived as a hermit on an island, to be set apart from all mankind. Every relationship from the one with your parents and family to your friends and significant other is hard work and can be messy and tough at times. But. Those are the people you know you can always turn to. They are the people who will always be honest with you especially when you don't want them to be but when they absolutely must be honest. Those are the people you can vent, rant, cry, laugh, talk, or just sit with as you go through life together from the highest of the highs to the lowest and darkest place. Through the past year, John Donne has been running through my mind. Find people in your life to build lasting and life-long relationships, because no man can be an island.

Creative Process

In reading and writing this week, we discussed the creative process for writers, and I explained my personal creative process. Discussing my process made me ache inside as it has been too long since I sat down, wrote, thought, and published my thinking. When was the last time I stayed up way too late on a Saturday night furiously cleansing my mind from all the swirling thoughts? When was the last time I listened to my writing music playlist? I have written a fair amount in my journals, but I need more writing than that in my life. It is time to start writing regularly again.