On the eve of teacher in-service, I feel like this new school year has rushed upon me like a wave.
It seems trite to say the summer has flown by, but it is the truth. The summer is a blur of over 4,000 miles driven, thousands of miles flown, incredible sights seen with some very special people, and fabulous weekends with My Man. Plus summer school, grad classes, and curriculum work. I blinked and the summer had vanished.
With all the other plans which filled my calendar this summer, I have only been preparing for school the last two weeks. I'm indescribably excited for this new school year. I'm ready to meet my new students, ready to start the process of figuring them out, and ready to being this new journey. Yet, a worry has been creeping into my mind. I'm afraid that what happened last year will carry over into this year. I'm afraid that I won't let go of the past that I will allow that trauma* from last year to change me and not in the good way.
How do I let go of this trauma? How do I not bring the memories into this current school year? How do I take what I learned from the situations and apply it appropriately and let go of the other stuff?
Sometimes I wish I could cry and let it all out, but I know that won't happen. Sometimes I think how nice it would be to not have gone through all of that, but I know I learned, and all the trials brought me closer to God. Just as surviving the trials is a process, so the healing is a process-- a process which still requires my utmost dependence and reliance on God.
Through the trials, God brought me these lyrics to meditate on, and this is my prayer as I continue to heal.
Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)
by Hillsong United
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
Oh, Jesus, you're my God!
I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine
*I say trauma because when I hear one of their names, I immediately tense up. I think back over the past school year, and I get this pit in my stomach, and I almost start bawling. To me, that seems like I am still working through the trauma from last year.
