Introversion

I'm an introvert. According to the Meyer-Briggs personality assessment, I'm an INFJ. If you've never take the Meyer-Briggs personality assessment, I HIGHLY recommend it. As I read through my INJF Counselor - Protector profile, I was dumbfounded and stunned at how accurate it was.

"Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries." Yes, that's true

"Counselors . . . can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional  reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life." "Most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive." Wow, how do they know that? I have the hardest time sharing my most inner feelings even with those I trust and love deeply. I've only recently become better at divulging personal secrets and many thoughts.

"Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena." "They get 'feelings' about things and iNtuitively understand them." No way! I've genuinely had dreams which actually happened later. I also have these feelings about people where I just know that they like each other or they don't, even though I don't understand it. I don't believe in psychics or think that I'm one, but sometimes I just know things. Though the majority of the time I can be pretty naive.

"INFJs place great importance on having things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their life." Yes, endless organizing and reorganizing and figuring out my priorities. This is creepy.

"Because the INFJ has strong iNtuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubbornness (Very stubborn) and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves--there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them (I think it's never quite good enough, that there's always more I can do to make it better. The work is never done). They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right." That is exactly how I think. How is possible that they know exactly how I think?

"INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective." I've been called a mother since I was four, but that was mainly for bossing everyone around. I am very protective of those I love though.

"INFJs generally have the following traits--idealistic, highly principled, complex and deep, sensitive and compassionate towards people, service-oriented, future-oriented (sometimes all I do is think about my future and plan for it), value deep authentic relationships, reserved about expressing their true selves, and intense and tightly-wound." 

"They're likely to seek out and promote relationships that are intense & meaningful. They tend to be perfectionists and are always striving for the Ultimate Relationship. They seek long-term, lifelong relationships, although they don't always find them." I talk about building meaningful relationships all the time; it's one of the main reasons I'm teaching where I'm teaching.

"Relationship strengths: sensitive and concerned for others' feelings; usually have good communication skills, especially written; take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships; have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and a weakness); good listener; are able to move on after a relationship has ended (once they're sure it's over)." Yes, yes, yes, yes.

"Relationship weaknesses: tendency to hold back part of themselves; not good with money or practical day-to-day life necessities; extreme dislike of conflict and criticism; have very expectations for themselves (both a strength and a weakness." Yes, yes, yes, and yes.  

"The INFJ is likely to spend a lot of time socializing with family members. If they are religious, they probably are social members of their religious community. After that, the INFJ may have friends represented from any of the personality types (variety is the spice of life). They are extremely iNtuitive individuals, who will have no patience for anyone they feel is dishonest or corrupt. They'll have no interest in being around these kinds of people." Absolutely no patience for those kinds of people; they frustrate me to no end.

"The INFJ's perfectionism and idealism, when combined with their empathy and genuine concern for others, can cause them to be true servants for people in some fashion. They may be great doctors or ministers or counselors. If they have also achieved a good amount of life wisdom, they  can become powerful forces, such as Jesus (INFJ) & Mahatma Gandhi (INFJ)." Interesting, I have the same personality as Jesus and Gandhi. I don't mean that disrespectfully in anyway, though.

"May be unaware (and sometimes uncaring) of how they come across to others. May quickly dismiss input from others without really considering it. May apply their judgement more often towards others, rather than toward themselves. With their ability to see an issue from many sides, they may always find others at fault for any problems in their lives. May have unrealistic and/or unreasonable expectations of others. May be intolerant of weakness in others. May believe that they're always right. May be obsessive and passionate about details that may be unimportant to the big picture. May be cuttingly derisive and sarcastic toward others. May have an intense and quick temper. May be tense, wound up, have high blood pressure, and find it difficult to relax. May hold grudges, and have difficulty forgiving people. May be wishy-washy & unsure how to act in situations that require quick decision making. May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to others. May see so many tangents everywhere that they can't stay focused on the bottom line or the big picture." Ouch; ouch; so judgement its awful; ouch; and I hold them to those unreasonable expectations; ouch; ouch; ouch; ouch; my temper has always been such a struggle for me; this is why I can't play an instrument because I can't relax; I struggle with letting those grudges go; can't make decisions quickly; I have to think about it and write it down before I can communicate it semi-well; I get distracted when organizing because there's so much to do.

"If you become upset, walk away immediately. DO NOT express anger. When you get angry, you lose." And I lose big time if I don't walk away because then I ignite and spew horrible and awful things to the person I'm angry with.

"Relax! Do yourself a favor and learn how to effectively unwind. Get exercise and restful sleep. Take vacations. Engage in relaxing activities. Take care of yourself and your loved ones by learning to let go of your passion and intensity for a respite." I really need to take that to heart.     

Take the test to find out what your personality type is, and then read all about it and be amazed!

On My Own

I don't know if life gets much better than this. It's been the most amazing week-and-a-half of my life. Where do I start describing all that's happened?

I've slept, read, watched shows and movies, read curriculum's, listened to music, cooked, cleaned, Facebooked, Pinterested, Twittered, read LOTS of articles, die-cut, laminated, cut out all the laminated die-cut, started organizing my classroom, got keys to my school and classroom, met coworkers, started building relationships, worked-out, Skyped, texted, called, wrote, and ate.

I've driven around the town visiting churches, grocery stores, stores, coffee shops, opening bank accounts, finding hiking trails, and figuring out how all the roads connect.

I'll wake up and smile since I'm all alone in my own apartment. I'll be working on school stuff or reading an article, and it will hit me again. I'll be explaining, again, that I moved 3.5 hours north of my family to start my life as an adult, and my heart just jumps with all of the excitement.

I can't say that I haven't relaxed and there have been a couple days where I've only left my apartment to check my mail, but oh, it's been good, so, so good.

Calin

Mom and Dad are visiting Calin, and Mom's been sending pictures. I LOVE the pictures, but it makes me miss my nephew even more. Here he is in all of his cuteness.

He just makes my heart melt with love.

A Chapter Closes

I like to think about my life in chapters, and tonight a chapter is closing. It's my last night living in my hometown and sleeping in the house and room where I grew up--not many people can say they've lived in the same town and house for the first twenty-one years of their lives. This is it.

I'll be back. But, it will be for visits not for living. I'm not currently planning on moving back to this town; however, maybe that will be in another chapter in my life later down the road. I'm striking out on my own; I'm going to live by myself in a town far north from my hometown. A whole new set of friends and a different part of my life will begin.

I've visited and said good bye to those special places in town. I've made the rounds to say good bye to the dear friends I've made in town. I took my final walk with Dad. I spent time with my dear family. It's time. This chapter only has a few more lines. Tomorrow a new chapter starts.

A Scrap of Paper

As I was moving bookcases today and filling up the moving trailer, I came across two of my scraps of paper which were filled with thoughts. One was me writing down my goals for the future. As I read through it, I couldn't stop thinking about how God has worked and lead in my life to this point. I wanted to share this scrap of paper with you, written out exactly as I wrote it a year and a half ago. So please pardon the bad grammar and sentence structure. What I found especially interesting is how I'm reaching my goals and plans I wrote out, but the order has changed and some areas have been eliminated as the Lord has revealed my next step. Other, however, are still firmly rooted.

02-16-12

2013, Graduate from college with an elementary education degree. 

I would like to teach overseas for at least 2 years and maybe up to 5.  

I would like to come back to the States and work in a public school in a city and get my Masters in Library Science and Technology.

I then want to get a job at a library specifically in a children's room.

During the years, I desire to work in a church--be a part of Bible Studies or run them. Work with children. Go on trips overseas. Witness to my coworkers and be Salt and Light in the world, to be with a body of believers fellowshipping and edifying one another. 

I don't know if that's where God will lead me, and I am ready and willing for the Lord to lead me in another area. Lord lead me where you will. I truly want to follow you, your will, and be Christ-like. I desire to use whatever money I make to support my church, missionaries, and other believers. I want to reach out to low-income families, to provide services to help them and their children. To work with children who struggle with reading. 

Lord, use me as you will! I give myself to you daily, I give you my body, I give you my health, I give you my relationship status, I give you my money, I give you my all because you deserve it all, you are worthy of all and it is what I can [give]. May your name be praised and glorified. 

My first profession, my calling is to be God's servant. That's my vocation, the methods and opportunities vary from person to person (job, specific focus), but we all have the vocation of serving and loving God with all of our heart, soul, and mind. 

My passion needs to be God-focused. He needs to be my focus as I minister toward others. 

I feel so inadequately equipped to carry out God's plan for my life. I'm so humbled that He has a specific plan for me. 

I do regularly give in to my sinful flesh because it's hard to battle it, and I can't seem to say no. But I'm not turning to God for the strength. I need to keep fighting, so God can continue to use me.