Thanksgiving Day

My Thanksgiving day has been filled with food, relaxing, reading, movies, and shows. Philip cooked, we cleaned, it was great. 

The long days and hours the past couple of weeks were worth it because of the utter relaxation and freedom I've had these days. I've done nothing productive today, nothing awfully productive yesterday, and I'm guessing nothing incredibly productive tomorrow. It. Feels. Amazing.

Hope your thanksgiving has been just as marvelous. 

Saturday Thoughts

*It's really, really, really, really hard to make myself do school prep on Saturday. Friday night is automatically out--there's like an unwritten rule or something. I always tell myself if I get more done on Saturday then I don't have to worry about it on Sunday, but that doesn't usually help too much.

Today, I worked for about three hours in the morning. Then I went to see a movie, and when the movie was done, it was raining which made me want to go home and curl up with a movie or another book.

The only reason I left my apartment today was to see the movie. Since I was out, I ran a couple of errands, but I came straight home, and I've been relaxing on my couch since then. Life truly doesn't get better than this.

I keep thinking about what if my life would change. I don't want it to change; I'm completely happy and content where I am. I currently have no desire to move, change jobs, or change relationship status. I like my freedom, oh how I like it.

I'm going to choose another book to read and read it all the way through because that's the way I can live my life right now, and I don't want that to change.

*This was a post I wrote the end of September and forgot to post.

22

I am now 22.

I look at my life and I look at others who are my age. I've realized that those who are my age are not in the same area of life I'm in.

I graduated from college when I was 21; I was offered a full-time job in my career when I was 21; I started my career when I was 21. Most 21 year olds are still in college; most 22 year olds are finishing up college; very few 21 and 22 year olds are done with college and have started their career.

Even though I can be an overachiever, it's not because I'm an overachiever that I'm a year head of my peers. You can place the blame on my parents. They chose to start me with kindergarten when I was 4, turning 5 in 3 months.

In reality, I'm okay with being young. I just don't tell my coworkers and definitely not my students how old (young) I am. I rarely think about my age in correlation with my life and compare it to others and their life happenings. I don't want to change my age because then I would lose out on those years. I'm not even sure if I would like people to stop being shocked by how young I am. I guess I would like it if it didn't matter my age, if what truly counted was my maturity, character, and actions.

3:00 in the Morning

I arrived home at 9:20-30 last night, and promptly went to bed. Silly contacts had dried out and given me a headache behind my eyes. That kind of headache completely wipes me out. (Not that the other kinds don't wipe me out too.) 

I woke up some time in the night to drink some water and use the restroom. I thought I would fall right back asleep, but alas no, my mind was strangely in insomniac mode. As I was up, I prepped the stuffing and corn for our Thanksgiving meal at church tomorrow. Now the food is ready to go for tomorrow today, and I'm sitting on my couch at 3:00 trying to make myself tired, so I can go back to sleep.  

 

Being on my own has changed me. Take today yesterday, this 3:00 in the morning time is throwing me off, for example: I went to a craft fair, I bought an artificial tree, I set-it up, I listened to Christmas music, I watched a Christmas movie, and I started setting up my Christmas decorations. What has happened to me that I'm setting up everything before Thanksgiving? 

You know how much I enjoy my quiet little life, and I wouldn't have it any other way. There's not much I don't mind doing by myself--shopping, cleaning, relaxing, cooking, watching movies, traveling. Depending on the people and circumstances, those activities are highly enjoyable with a person or a group of people. But they also have their own enjoyment when completed on your own. 

But there is one activity that I will not participate in on my own. In my three months completely on my own, I haven't even considered it. 

I won't go to a restaurant (fast-food or sit-down) and eat inside by myself. And according to NPR, this is a common choice for the majority of people.

Why? Am I that insecure that I can't eat a meal by myself in public? Am I afraid of how people view me? Is it not socially acceptable in our society? At home, I enjoy eating by myself, but eating out alone seems the height of patheticness. But there's something about eating alone in a restaurant that is just . . . odd. 

But why is eating out alone odd? 

Society's social expectations might scare people off from partaking in a meal alone in public as the perception of eating alone is that you are socially inept or lacking. It might be a little more acceptable to eat in the bar by yourself, but it's still not the norm. 

How people perceive us or our actions guides too much of our life and life choices. I think it would be amazing to go out for some Mexican since I'm craving it without worry about people's perception of me eating alone in a restaurant. 

Is it my fault that I'm too nervous to try eating out on my own?

Is it society's fault because of their judging perception?

Or is it a combination of both?