#OneLastTime

Some moments, some movies, some series finales need to be shared by us Four. Many of those moments are special memories I cherish and recollect with pleasure.  

Finishing Buffy Season 7 right:  

Marathoning Angel the day before New Years to finally conclude that perfect last season together. "Let's go to work."

Enjoying the lovely experience of Toy Story 3 altogether. The movies which we had loved and enjoyed as children were now finishing up their story when we were adults. In some senses, it felt like that could been me as Andy saying good-bye to his childhood and moving on to adulthood: 

Was there anybody not crying during this scene? 

Finishing off the years and years and years of Harry Potter books, movies, and discussions with Philip: 

Completing the Lord of the Rings series and watching through ALL the credits in that final film:

Which brings us to the most recent #onelasttime. Unlike others which we looked forward to, planned for, and deeply enjoyed, no one looked forward to or enjoyed The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. Uggg, so awful. If we had not been there for each other during that two and half hour monstrosity, we would not have made it through. So. So. So. Awful. We did our duty and finished it off, #onelasttime. While some of the other #onelasttime have been revisited while fondly remembering that first finish, this one will never happen again.

The People You Meet

Moving away from home, I wondered who I would meet and who would become friends. Where would I meet someone? What would my future look like with those people?

Today, I'm spending the day with various people that I met in my move to the North a year and a half ago.

I started the morning with a late brunch at Wendy's. We are celebrating Katie's engagement and the bet we placed on when she would be married.

Currently, we are spending the afternoon getting pedicures. This was the prize for winning the bet--I guessed too far out--but we are all getting pedicures.

This evening, I'm heading to a performance of Nutcracker with another friend. Dinner and then a show. I've been looking forward to it all week.

A whole day spent with different people I've met from my move North. A day completely ignoring all of my work. A day enjoying the great times in December with new friends.

Workaholic

Workaholic. That's what I am. I think about it from the angle of doing and giving my best, yet other people see it as never putting work down. 

My work never ends. I could work from now until the end of my life, and there is probably always more that I could do. There’s always, always, always more to do, but I need that mental break at night and on the weekends.

It's making the choice that enough is enough. I'm not going to put anymore time. I need a life. 

Change of Plans

I arrived back at my apartment after really having been out of it almost all week and weekend because of work and weekend plans. I was going to enjoy some football and sorting letters for my kids, and then I found out a friend had lost her mother. Now, all I want to do is to be there to comfort my friend. Plans can change in a moment.

Reply: The Purpose of Reading

I NEVER post questions to Facebook like this one, but I was so curious to see what people would say if I asked them about the purpose of reading. I asked this:

I've been pondering this question, and I'm wondering what the world of Facebook thinks. What is the purpose of reading? 

Is it to be actively engaged? To think about the book as you are reading and after you've finished? For pure pleasure and enjoyment? To understand and comprehend? For knowledge, to learn? Something else? 

What do you think is the purpose of reading?

Here were the varied responses:

NB: We were discussing this in my American Masterpieces class, so I had been thinking of it too. The things you mentioned are all big components of why we should read. Even if it’s only value was pure entertainment, that would be good enough for so many purposes. In 1987, E. D. Hirsch wrote in his Cultural Literacy 6 reasons why we should study literature: 1. To gain insight into the human condition. 2. To learn about history and historical persons and actions. 3. To learn about language and literary forms. 4. To become cultured. 5. To become a better person. 6. To gain pleasure.

KL: That is a fabulous and thought-provoking question! I think I read for these reasons:
-to relax
-to learn/gain specific information
-to see and understand the world through a wider lense; to empathize
-to keep myself learning and growing
-to enjoy-which is a little different/more active than just "to relax"
Corollary question: what is the purpose of writing? Do they fully coordinate or not necessarily?

KDS: Stress relief. Needed escape from the moment.

KA: I read to gain knowledge. This is why I prefer non-fiction. I read about topics I'm curious about.

JWDA: escape...(unless it is for a study of some sort)

DM: To discover the thoughts of another, without the need of their immediate presence.

HEH: to learn important, or interesting or mundain new things, to help keep my brain or what is left of it active!

My Response: Thanks for all your thoughts on this question. I see a running line of individuality regarding the purpose of reading. There are many purposes and reasons to read and as we are all unique individuals with various interests it makes sense that peoples purposes for reading will vary. Thanks for the input!

K, Wonderful corollary question. Reading and writing are reciprocal. The more you read, the better you write. The more you write, the better you read. You can separate the two, but it's not wise. They feed and grow off of each other. 

I teach my students three broad purposes of writing--to inform, to persuade, to entertain. At the core of all of those is thinking. I firmly believe that writing is thinking. That's what makes writing incredibly difficult to learn and to teach. Writing enables and forces me to think about my topic. I have to understand it enough to write clearly and concisely. I have to be able to organize my thoughts coherently for my reader to follow the story, topic, or argument. Writing slows my brain down, so I can process the new information which in turn, makes me a better writer. To see the reciprocal nature of reading and writing. As I read, I can study how the author crafts his/her writing, so I, as the reader, can understand and learn his/her thoughts and ideas. 

Not sure if that answers your question at all!

A Year Makes a Difference

A year makes a difference. 

My eyes opened one morning, and I was excited. Today was the day I would meet, hopefully, the majority of my students and their parents, and as the day continued, my excitement built and grew. These were the kiddos I would be with for the next two years, and I could not wait to meet them. Today was my second open house at school.

A year ago, my eyes opened, and I was unbelievably nervous. A year ago, I was going to meet, hopefully, the majority of my students and their parents, and as the day continued, my nervousness built and grew. These were the kiddos I would be with for the next year, and I was semi-excited but mainly nervous. A year ago was my first open house.

A year makes a difference. 

At the open house this year, I started to build relationships with students and their parents. Some came and just dropped everything off and others spent half an hour in my room. I told some about the 40 book requirement, others about my belief in open and honest communication, while some were brief hellos and explanations as my room was full and I needed to get to all the students and parents. Last year, I'm not even sure what I said to parents. I just know that I was terrified of them worrying if they would make my first year miserable or not. 

A year makes a difference.

I'm more enthusiastic this year as opposed to last. I'm more confident, more self-assured. My comfort level has boosted as I interact with students and their parents. I feel more prepared about various aspects of the curriculum. I have a much better plan in mind for the year.

A year makes a difference.

This year, I still couldn't sleep before the first day of school. The reason was different though. This year, my excitement level was off the charts which led to a night of sleeplessness. Last year, nervousness brought on a night of sleeplessness. This year, I over planned the first day of school and was more confident in my carry out. Last year, I under planned and felt like I only just survived. This year, I feel more purposeful in my community building activities. Last year, I ached to start content because all the beginning of the year routines and procedures were unfamiliar to me.   

A year makes a difference. 

If a year makes such a difference,  what will 5, 10, or 20 make?

Professional Conference

I was attending my first professional conference, Wisconsin's 2014 PBIS Leadership Conference, and to utilize our time wisely, our team divided and conquered the sessions for each break out period. As I was starting my fourth session of the day, my brain hit overload. Which is when I had an epiphany.

Is not it amazing what ideas come from a tired brain when too many new ideas have been stuffed in there?

We were moving too quickly. We needed to slow down and continue with what we started. We needed to master and implement with fidelity our first tier before starting the second. My mind starting making a list of all which still needed to be accomplished. Then I started to formulate and plan what I could say to my coworkers to share my thoughts and ideas. This meant I paid little attention to this fourth session as I worked to get all my thoughts on paper. I didn't feel poorly about not paying attention as this session ended up being a repeat of session three. 

The moment of truth arrived when it was time to present my thoughts and plans to my principal and coworkers. The best part of presenting a plan is when it is accepted well. The worst part is walking away not knowing what will be implemented and when it will be implemented. Which makes me wonder if my plan was accepted well or not?    

The Purpose of Reading

"I don't read to think." ~ A coworker

I'm all for reading trash books occasionally. Books that don't take long to finish because they're complete fluff--beach books. Beach books are books where you can turn your mind off and read for the sheer pleasure of shlocky and predictable story lines but which still make you smile from ear to ear. Beach books are the ones I'll binge read and then never share that I binge read them with anybody else. Beach books are books I can't discuss with others. I enjoy beach books, I own them, I have days where that is what I read.

Beach books, however and thankfully, are not my steady diet of books. After reading beach books, I need books which have meat to them, which make me think. Books where I have to stop in the middle and jot down a thought. Books where the author chooses to not always end in a cliche. Books where I need to write down my thoughts after and then hopefully have a discussion about the book.

As an educator, a thinker, and a human being, the statement by my coworker disturbs me. I wanted to just stare at her and ask some rudely pointed questions, but instead, I wisely steered the conversation to another subject. My mind, however, would not let go of the comment. When do you think? Do you think? Do you see the value in reading to broaden your thinking? Why do you read? What is the purpose of reading? Do we read for pleasure or to think? Do we read for both? Are all books created equal? Why do I read? What is my purpose for reading?

My coworker knew why she read, yet I don't know my purpose for reading.

As a child and young adult, I read to escape, to experience, to live. Escaping my life circumstances, experiencing other lives and cultures, and living vicariously through the characters lives in a way I was never going to live my life. As an adult, I don't need to escape, experience, or live through someone else's life.

I finished four books last week*, but these weren't all beach books. One maybe; I'm not sure how to classify that one. They all made me think. I entered their world, their lives, their experiences. I grew as they grew. I worked to decode the ending just as the characters worked to plot their next move in life. I was actively engaged in the books. Is that the purpose of reading, to be actively engaged?

I sat down with my reading journal after each one and put down my thoughts about the characters actions, choices, and life. I thought about the author and how they crafted the story. Is that the purpose of reading, to think about the books after you've finished?

I enjoyed each story and the character development throughout out. Is that the purpose of reading, for pleasure and enjoyment? I understood and could comprehend each story. Is that the purpose of reading, to understand and comprehend what you read?

What is the purpose of reading?

*The Road by Cormac McCarthy; Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini; Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn; American Gods by Neil Gaiman  

Suits

A man wearing a good suit is one of the most delightful aspects of life. They really do make my heart drop into my stomach. Through Twitter, I came across When Suits Become a Stumbling Block. An amazing article, with dreamy pictures of men in suits, satirizing the double standards in Christianity with suits and yoga pants and male and female responsibility about their own minds. I can't agree with her more about "being wired" as a gender norm to excuse men of thousands of years of hideous and unacceptable behavior.

Favorite Quotes:
"Listen, as a woman I'm an emotional creature. I want to feel protected and safe, and nothing screams "I am a MAN and I will protect you" like a suit and tie. I can't help it, that's just how I'm wired."
"Avoid these following actions  . . . reading books, Hey GREGORY. Put that away."
"But what if my job requires me to wear a suit? WELL, CLEARLY YOU NEED TO FIND ANOTHER JOB."

Go read, enjoy, and reread. I've reread it multiple times; though, that might be for all those dreamy pictures of well-dressed men in gorgeous suits.

The 4th of July

What have I done on this holiday? 

Nothing. No plans were made. No alarms were set. No parades or fireworks. No going into work. No working on school. 

A completely lazy day. Starting with me waking up and deciding to roll over and fall back sleep. Then moving into my biggest decision of the day--reading a whole book today or starting another season of a show. I chose the book. Now, I'm sitting here ruminating over life and deciding how I want to spend my evening.* Another book? A TV show? Some letter writing? A walk? Organizing papers? More blogging? So many delightfully relaxing and lazy options to choose from. 

Continue to enjoy celebrating our countries independence. I know I am.    

*I'm a slow reader, so it took me most of the morning and all of the afternoon to finish my book.

Post-Discussion

I had an . . . intense, somewhat passionate discussion with some friends tonight.  Whenever these discussions happen, I replay them in my mind. Again and again and again. Did I say the right thing, did I seem presumptuous,  was I tactful, did I speak rudely,  was I able to graciously get my point across, did I need to continue the discussion, was I nasty, how did I come across? Are they thinking about this conversation as much as I am? Or am I just over analyzing everything?

I think I think too much. I also put too much weight on my own personal thoughts and not enough on God's Word. But His Word is becoming much more near and dear to me. I want to find the answers in His Word and not just spout what I think I know.

Why must I feel like I need to prove something to them with my conversation?  I know where I stand, but I couldn't keep quiet with some undoctrinal statements being made which, I believe,  can greatly hinder your walk. I had to speak out and voice their concerns. I just pray that what I said doesn't hinder a walk with God, I pray that it will draw people into the Scripture to study it for themselves.

I believe firmly in what I said and held to tonight, but is it Biblical? I'm here in WI, in this specific Northwoods town, in my apartment, working at my school with my kiddos, attending Faith, building relationships.  I can't change the world, but I can keep living for and serving God where He has placed me.

Food

I love food. I love cooking. I love shopping for food. I love the smells of food. I love discussing food. I love serving food. I love how food brings people together. Food is incredible.

Conversations

Conversations can make everything clear. A conversation today made me incredibly grateful that I'm teaching where I'm teaching. It was a conversation I didn't realize I needed to have, but one which I was glad I had once it was over.

Teaching

As I ponder teaching, I realize each day that this isn't the job to be in if you want fame and glory. This isn't the job to get wealthy in. This isn't the stress free job you might find in other occupations. This isn't the job for the lazy, fainthearted, and fearful. This job will take everything out of you and then even more. This job will eat up hours of your thinking. You will fall asleep thinking back over the day and what to do better or differently the next day. You will plan for hours, days, weeks, and then all that planning will just speed by throughout your day of teaching. You will always be asking the questions educators never stop asking, "Did I do enough? Was that the best way to present the material? Did I handle the situation in the best way possible? What more could I have done?"

This job is truly for the kids. The life lessons you teach and pray they remember and carry through life with them. The learning which takes place when you don't even know it. The inexplicable joy when the light bulb finally turns on. The incredible discussion which occur on everything under the sun. The mothering and parenting you do, day in and day out.

You can never stop learning as an educator; the day you do is the day you should pack your bags and leave. Learning is what drives all of the job. Learning the curriculum, learning the staff, learning the students,  learning the language, learning the parents, learning, learning, and more learning.

I look back at my first days, weeks, and months. From my vantage now, it feels like I had no clue what I was doing. I believe I had been prepared the best I could have been in my college career. However, that preparation seems so minimal after the amount of learning you go through by the end of that first week of teaching. Teaching changes you. Teaching stretches you. Teaching grows you.

This year has flown by, and now I'm getting ready to say goodbye to my first batch of students. As I continue to ask those questions an educator can never stop asking, I'm starting to realizing what teaching and being an educator actually means, and all that this job entails which is an art and science. As much as I've grown and become more of an educator this year, I know there is still much for me to learn. Many students, coworkers, administrators, and situations which will continue to grow, change, and challenge me as an educator.

A Happy Teacher

It was the last paper I graded. These have taken me a week to get through and sadly all of them have been incredibly poor. I know I teach fifth graders, and their writing level is still young, but I could tell my students hadn't put the time an effort into this essay. Then I read the last one. This young man was the first student to support the opinion with facts and details from the articles and video clip I gave them. Which was the whole point of the assignment in the first place.

This student came in as a very nervous, unconfident, and scared writer. He also chose to tell me, when we were discussing women's rights, that women shouldn't be treated equally because they were less of a human being. This young man liked to joke around, so he would look good in front of all the students. Which was part of the reason for his comments.

I started working with the young man on both his writing and treatment of women. His writing improved throughout the year, and he started making comments which made me believe his mindset and viewpoint of women was changing. When I read his essay on women being allowed to fight in combat, I was given proof of his increased writing ability and his understanding of women being equal. As a new teacher, I haven't had the opportunity to really see that growth yet, and I absolutely love it. It completely made my day. His story will be one I tell in the future.

Ponderings

Do you ever wake up one day and truly think about your life? Are you ever amazed at where life has taken you? Do you slowly smile in wonderment at God's incredible leading and protection? Do you ever trace back the steps which got you to this point in your life? Do you ever look back and see how God directed you in each valley and mountain?

I love what I do. I love where God has moved me. I love how I'm growing in ways I've never grown. I love how God led me to this point of my life which shows me his incredible faithfulness.

I sit hear on Good Friday pondering God's work in my life. I ponder the family He put me in, the circumstances I went through as a child and young adult, the friends I didn't have growing up, and the abundance of friends I now have. I'm astounded that He chose to save me. I'm dumbfounded and saddened that I've wasted so many years of growth.

As I talk to the receptionist at the chiropractor, as I talk to the hair stylist, as I talk to my coworkers, as I teach my students, I realize that I'm starting to live out my faith, to be salt and light in my community. I'm not ashamed to say that I attend church, I'm not ashamed to read and study my Bible in the coffee shop, I'm not ashamed to tell my students and random people in the community that my name is from a town in the Bible.

The Lord is working in me. I'm growing and becoming bolder in my faith. I can't explain how it is all coming more naturally, but it's true. There's a freedom which comes from being open and honest about my beliefs and life. I couldn't go back to the way I was before.

Coffee Shops

I could sit at home, brew my own tea or coffee, and write, yet I'm here in a coffee shop drinking their coffee (the same I have at home) and writing. As I drank coffee, now I'm all jittery with an increased heart rate. I can't stop smiling over the various conversations I've overheard, been a part of, and the general enjoyment of watching and observing people.

I'm such a stalker.

Strangely the added noise increases my thinking and focus. And my productivity. Or maybe it is the added coffee which increases my productivity. I, however, am not documenting my time at the coffee shop with pictures. I haven't become that cliched. Yet.

In a sense, I've becoming a walking cliche. I visit coffee shops on a semi-regular basis. I drink coffee. I've done my Bible study at a coffee shop. I talk about my family and friends back home, yet this has become my new home. I have those conversations with my friends. The ladies in my church are praying that I will meet a husband. I'm changing from the person I was in Watertown to this new Bethany in Rhinelander. My past is fading away and becoming a distant memory. I can't stop looking at pictures of my nephews and sharing them with anyone who will listen. (Pictures are below of the newest Ledgerwood, Miles Garrett. I can't stop staring at his pictures!). My passion for life has grown. I go to the chiropractor semi-regularly. I'm learning all these faces in town and striking up random conversations with strangers. I talk very well about my job. I noticed that last weekend when people asked me questions about education, and I could talk for hours about it. I love what I do, and I can't understand why anyone would want a different life. I have this second family which is growing in Rhinelander. Are all those things I listed as cliches actual cliches?

Now that I've been at the coffee shop for two hours, I ought to leave as it will soon be time for me to, finally, get my haircut.

The last is my favorite, I could stare at the little guy for hours.

Pho and Duck Tape

Organizing, sleeping, reading, cooking, watching, writing, shopping, planning, cleaning, talking, eating, calling, snowing, driving, and studying. A busy, relaxing, and fulfilling spring break.

It all started with a weekend trip to Minnesota to visit Josh and Brittany. There I enjoyed delightful discussion, fantastic food (I'm in love with Pho, I dream about it, I think about it, I want more of it.), successful shopping (Ikea!), and renewing relaxation.

 I and the heaven food--Pho

 My purchases from Ikea, Stillwater, and Tea Source

My trip also included some hair-raising and prayer inducing moments when Frankie started making horrible, dragging noises on the way to and from Minnesota. The horrible and dragging noises would not be located and discovered until I arrived back home in Rhinelander. After pulling in and investigating yet again, Frankie finally decided to show me that the bottom plastic covering from my car which covers my engine and other vital tanks is what had been dragging on the highway. Duck tape came to my rescue as my heart pounded furiously as I envisioned what could have happened on the highway.

The rest of the week passed quickly as I rearranged my classroom (again) and proceeded to kill my back from being useful for the week. I spent all day Thursday lesson planning and catching up on Doctor Who. I won't say how much Doctor Who I watched, I'll just say that at the beginning of the day I was a season and two specials behind and by the end of the day I was all caught up.* I read, and I reread! With all of my work (and my binge day), I didn't read as much as I would have liked, but I did finish four books and continue to make progress through my fifth. I purchased a smartphone which will be arriving next week. I started shopping for new car insurance and have now been inundated with calls and emails from insurance companies. Ooops, I hadn't thought through the fact that searching for free insurance quotes meant lots of phone calls and emails from insurance companies. I met up with friends. And I resisted the urge to drive to Wausau for just Pho, though that was incredibly difficult. 

Now my week is coming to a close, and I'm ready to finish the last nine weeks of the quarter. But I still have two more days before those nine weeks start. What to experience next?   

*Burning with embarrassment at my utter bingeing.  

My Weekend

There are some weekends that you just wish could go on forever, that you didn't have to start getting up at 4:30 AM again and that you didn't have to start another crazy week. This weekend was one of them.

I love my job, I love working with my coworkers, I love teaching my students, and I love being busy with my work. But I love relaxing and being lazy with family.

I love the comfort which is automatically there after years of life with my siblings. I love how we can be completely ourselves and feel absolutely relaxed. I love how there is no judgement on not leaving the apartment for 36 hours or so and very little judgement in all other areas. I love that there's an understanding of one another without nothing or little to nothing needing to be said. I love how my siblings continue to amaze me in their accomplishments and growth. I love that we just know what food to buy to make it a special weekend. I love how we are on the same wavelength about books, movies, music, and all the other important things in life. I love and at the same time despise that we are so amazing at predicting outcomes. (Could we for once be proven wrong? We really would like to be proven wrong in some of our predictions.) I love how similar we are. I love how incredibly diverse we are. I love that they're not just my siblings, but my best friends. Most of all, I love that I get to do it all over again next weekend.

Too Close

I was just ready to fall asleep when I realized that I had almost waited too long to blog. I haven't sat down and wrote down a goal of posting at least once a month, it just happened one day as I realized that I had posted every month since March 2012.

I've started a journey this past month which I pray is a journey that will continue for many, many years. I swallowed my pride and asked for help. I hate giving up and saying I can't do it all on my own, yet once I gave up that area of pride and asked for help, there was an unbelievable lifting of my burden. I'm fighting with a renewed determination and a changed mindset. As Tuesday showed, I still have a long way to go, but I finally asked for help.

Will You?

Little did I know that the summer of 2012 would set in motion forces which would dramatically change Laura Harpole's life. Her summer travels were extra tempestuous as she juggled team members, ministry, and a boyfriend. When she returned and we related all the happenings of our summer, there was very little mention of Rodney King except . . . for that fact that she mentioned why couldn't she like someone like Rodney who was genuinely good and Godly but she wasn't interested in him in the least. I didn't think too much of it except . . . that this thought crossed my mind, "I wonder if something might happen between Laura and Rodney."

In October, Rodney declared his interest in Laura which left her in a tailspin. Being wary of Rodney and not sure if he was good enough for Laura, I listened but initially and slightly discouraged Laura from giving Rodney a chance. Laura, on better and wiser council than mine, decided to give Rodney a chance.

One Sunday night in February 2013, Laura and I met to solve the world's problems which involved discussing our lives and all the happenings. Being Laura and I, relationships, which included Rodney, came up in our discussion. After asking her, Laura responded that yes she believed she loved Rodney and she thought she might marry him one day. My perception of Rodney changed that night. The way Laura talked about him, I realized the depth of his care and love for her. I realized how they complemented each other. I realized that Laura had found her husband, and I couldn't have been more excited for them. It would be just a matter of time before it became official.

December 24, 2013: Rodney showed up on Laura's doorstep and proposed. Laura said yes.

I'm thrilled for Laura and Rodney. Looking back, I see God's hand throughout the years in guiding and directing them to one another. Looking forward, I can't wait to see how God will continue to direct and use them for His glory and service. I am honored to share in their special day.

When Will You Find the One?

As I prepped for next weeks lessons this morning and afternoon, I spent some quality time with Netflix watching schlocky romantic comedies which included TiMER. (Schlocky romantic comedies on Netflix are wonderful background noise which motivates me on Saturday when I MUST complete schoolwork. Also having the Food Network on or over-the-top awful action movies on Netflix.) By no means was TiMER a fantastic movie, yet it asked a simple but loaded question. Would you want to know the exact day that you will meet "the one?"

Set in the near future, the movie follows two step-sisters Oona (Emma Caufield) and Steph as they wait to meet "the one." Technology has progressed where you can have a TiMER inserted into your arm which will count down to the day you will meet "the one." When the two meet eyes on the day they are to meet, both of their TiMER's will go off and beep alerting both male and female that they have met "the one." Steph's TiMER says she'll meet "the one" when she's 43. Oona's timer has not started ticking down which means her "one" does not have a timer yet.

Steph chooses to spend her waiting time having one-night-stands while Oona is constantly on the search for men who don't have a timer yet, and then getting them a timer to see if they are soul mates. Throughout the movie Oona is despondent about not having met "the one" as she's turning 30. Oona breaks loose, throws caution to the wind, and decides to start a relationship with a man who is to meet his "one" in four months. Close to the end, Oona's TiMER finally starts counting down and she meets "the one" who is currently semi-dating Steph. In true romantic comedy form, everything ends happily.

The plot aside the movie presents two options for women who are waiting for "the one"--desperately search or sleep around. I'm a woman that society would consider waiting for "the one"*, but I'm not choosing either of those options. In fact, I would like to propose that I'm not waiting. Instead of twiddling my thumbs, I'm living my life to the fullest, following the Lord's leading in my life.

Living my life to the fullest and following the Lord's leading in my life does NOT mean that my life is a bed of roses. As I'm continuing to be honest with myself about myself, it would be a lie if some days I didn't wish to know the day I would meet the man I'm going to marry, if that's God's will for my life. I would be lying if I said I didn't have a desire to one day be married, to be a wife, to raise a family. I would be lying if some days I wasn't frustrated at my relationship status. I'm human, and there are days I struggle with being single. Just like every other man or woman.

I'm choosing to not let those thoughts consume me and turn me into a bitter woman. Too many people around me are bitter at God because there life has not taken the path they desired. That is not for me. I have already been down the path of waiting and twiddling my thumbs. I know how it ate me up inside, how it consumed my thought life, how I would walk in a room and wonder if I would meet "the one", and how selfish I became. That is not for me.

In the end, I will stand before my Savior and give account of what I did for Him. I don't want to say that I was too focused on finding a man to serve Him. My focus is to serve Him as I teach, as I build relationships, as I grow in Christ likeness, and as I live to glorify my Lord and Savior. Right now, He has me serving Him as a single woman, as a teacher, as I build relationships with my coworkers and church family, and as I strengthen my relationship with dear family and friends. So most days, I enjoy the mystery which comes with not knowing what the next day will bring. Besides, in all honesty, I'm too much of a romantic to want my life story spoiled by knowing the whys and wherefores.      

*At work, I was asked if I would marry in August as both new male teachers are marrying this summer, one in June and one in July; therefore, I could round off the summer with a wedding in August. My response was just to laugh. 

January 17, 2013 v. January 17, 2014

I've started my second year of journaling every day in my Jane-a-Day 5-year journal.

I hadn't thought about a year ago until tonight when I started my nightly ritual of writing in my Jane-a-Day.

A year ago, I slept in. Went to MBU for the first time in a week or so. I visited so I could drop off my Wisconsin DPI licensure papers. In the hallway, I ran into some people from who I had to fill in about the Wednesday night car drama. Then the person I was most irritated with regarding the Wednesday night car drama showed up and annoyed me even more. Everyone left and somehow it was him and I. Bad idea. In the next 15 minutes I proceeded to shred my integrity by utterly losing my temper. I have rarely been that angry or made such a fool of myself. I was standing outside of Dr. Brock's office.

I remember leaving and walking up to second floor and regretting every word I said. It didn't take more than a minute for me to realize and be ashamed of my atrocious behavior. I walked out of those back stairs and there was Jessica. I said, "Jessica, I just made a huge mistake." An apology email followed later that afternoon and personal agony over my stupidity. It was an awful day.

Today, I woke up at 5:00. I planned a game, wrote my parent letter, set-up for testing, and discussed students with my coworkers. Then the students arrived. I taught all day which included confiscating sexually drawn pictures from a student, documentation of said pictures, battling my non-compliant students, giving tests, grading tests, explaining chocolate history in the United States, conferencing with individual students, and meeting with small groups. Then the students left. I prepared my white boards for Tuesday, counted my Paws, stacked chairs, discussed the woes of teaching and coaching with coworkers, and finally left school. Next came errands--gas and grocery store. Then final clean-up before the Parentals arrived. Dinner preparation, dinner, and discussion followed with the Parentals. It was a busy, but good day.

I would choose a hundred more days like today than to ever, ever, ever relive January 17, 2013.