Independence and First Impressions

I've been doing some online dating, and one of the websites asks this questions: "The one thing I wish more people would notice about me."

A friend, first brought this question to me, and because of what I had been thinking about over the week before the discussion with my friend, I think I knew what I wanted people to notice, but saying it would make me vulnerable. Typing it for all to see on an online dating website would totally expose me. (Yet, here I am ready to share it on my blog.)

It's difficult to ask family and friends to tell us what they notice about me. Do I really want to know what their first impressions were? Do I want to dig into that information? I think it would make me uncomfortable and awkward on first meets then.

I suspect that I come across as pretty independent and self-sustaining in a first impression. I know for years I have worked to make myself independent and strong as I prepared for a life of singlehood. Asking for help is difficult. I have a stubborn streak a mile wide which wants to be able to do it all on my own.

But, I'm realizing that I don't always want to be the strong one. I'm independent and strong because I have to be. I'm up here practically in the middle of no where with the closest family two hours away. At the beginning, it was pretty much just me until I built relationships with church family and made friends.

It's hard to accept assistance, and I know there are times that I turn it down and other times when I don't ask for it when I should. And there's my weakness desiring to be in control of all. If I'm in control of all, then everything will go the way it should and there will be no problems.

But I've realized that I don't always want to be the strong one. It would be great to rely on someone else sometimes, to not be the one who has to figure it out. I wish that people would notice that I'm strong and independent because of my circumstances, situation, and personality, but I don't always want to be. Then I remind myself, that I already have Someone to rely on. God. I'm not alone, I don't have to do it all by myself. In fact, everything given to me I've been given grace to complete.

This week at school was tough, and there were minutes, hours, and days when I wasn't sure how I was going to survive. I've never prayed so much throughout a work day. I don't know how the week came to a close with my sanity still intact. There were moments where I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I would not have made it without God. I had to rely on Him every moment of the day.

Teaching

I never know what to expect in a day of teaching. Some days I'm called a b**** or my voice is likened to the sound of a fruit cake (whatever that sounds like). Some days are like the riddle of climbing up three steps and falling down two, then climbing up two steps and falling down four. Some days it is a constant battle to keep the students on task, and I don't use the term battle lightly. Some days I walk away not sure how to even approach the next day, and I can't even start processing how to approach the next day.

Other days there is the happy glow when you see the light bulb click, when a student states that we should vote because that is what we do in a democracy or when a student says the best things in a class are the teacher, the friendships, and the classmates and it all goes back to the best teacher. Those moments when a student just comes up to you and gives you a hug. Or the time when a student brings you in a box of chocolate just because they know the day before was rough.  Those moments when you see the hard work applied and the teaching is paying off. When there is the change in students, it is incredible.

I never know what a day in teaching will bring, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm awfully stubborn and tenacious. I can have a day like paragraph one and be ready for the next day. Not saying, I'm not exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally, but I'm not going to give up. I'm going to continue to work on my art of teaching. I'm going to work on changing myself, the way I'm teaching, and how I'm approaching students for students to achieve success. You can throw a lot of stuff at me, but that is not going to stop me from trying again and again to reteach or to come back to a topic until the light bulb finally clicks.

Bucket List

We all have dreams and goals, we all have desires and wishes, and we all have bucket lists whether or not we have actually taken the time to write them down. Children create bucket lists and anxiously await the arrival of adulthood to start crossing of the major bucket list items. Sure, as a child, you can start on completing your bucket list, but those big items, those items you dream and wish about, the items you hope and pray you'll be able to do one day, those items most likely will never get crossed off or if they do it is later in life.

I get to cross off one of those big items off my bucket list this summer. One of the items I always hoped would come true but couldn't hold out definite hope that it would. One of those items that seemed so big and insurmountable, but I ached for it to happen in my lifetime, is happening this summer.  Instead of the ache of the wish, I'm now filled with incredible anticipation as each next step is planned, bought, and paid. I'm positively giddy as we start to map out each day of our visit. I can't contain my excitement and just want to burst and tell all that this huge wish which I've had for, I don't even know how long, is actually happening. Because,

I'm going to England.

For over two weeks.

With three of the greatest people in the world.

Tickets are bought.

Housing is established.

I'm going to England.

2015

I know it is cliched, but what a year 2015 was. I can't help but reflect on the year which flew past. 

2015 was the year:

• My first niece was born. What a year she had, but incredibly grateful to see how God brought her and her parents through.  
• Graduate work started. I'm working towards a Masters of Education with an emphasis in Reading. I love taking a class while teaching because then I can immediately apply my learning. 
• I completed my second year of teaching. Two under my belt. 
• I started my third year of teaching. First time with a loop. Looping thoughts are for another post though.  
• I paid off my car. No more car payments! 
• I paid off my coaches. No more coach payments! 
• I met my financial goal in regards to debt and financial stability desired. An incredible blessing of how God worked through the year. 
• I moved to a house. I love having more space without the responsibility of owning my own home.  
• I online dated. A great experience overall. 
• My family had The Great Pie Debate of 2015. Over texting. With the whole family chiming in on the texts. It was incredible. 
• I cried in my classroom in front of my students, and it wasn't during a read-aloud. I'll have to share this story some day soon. 
• My building had major changes from the end of my second year to the beginning of my third year of teaching. 
• I cotaught for the first time. I absolutely love it, and I hope I continue to have the opportunity to coteach.
• I bought a ticket to England. 
• I traveled a lot over the summer visiting and moving family. 
• I was asked to be the literacy leader in my grade level.
• Then I was asked to be part of a literacy leadership team for my district. Incredibly humbled and excited about this opportunity. 
• My parents became empty nesters. 
• Our family found a texting service which would allow all 13 of us to text everyone else. Leading to greater communication and The Great Pie Debate of 2015. Plus many adorable pictures of the niece and nephews. 
• I joined a book club called The Guiltless Readers.  

A lot changed in my life this year. I grew tons. I learned loads. Ready to close 2015, and start 2016 which I know will be another incredible, life-changing, and growing year.