My grandma passed away this afternoon. Even though we knew that it was most likely that she would pass in the next couple of days, it doesn't make it easier.
I remember her canes--Theodore and Abigail. Theodore was a dark metal, maybe bronze, while Abigail had a silver overlay. They were quad canes, so we had much fun swinging them around, standing on them and rocking back and forth. I don't remember us ever sword fighting with them.
Grandma was probably one of the most stubborn women I've known, but she was such a hard-worker. She was independent her whole life, so when the accident occurred, losing independence was a struggle for her. She fought to walk again--her stubbornness and independence are what allowed her to walk again. My grandma was an amazing woman.
She was so proud of her daughters all graduating from college and making a career and family for themselves. She loved that her granddaughters were following the same educational path. When she and Pappy lived with us for nine months, we talked about school as I worked on my school. She loved learning. She loved to read, though she always went in for the trashy romance novels. The Western bodice rippers were her favorites.
She always had a tissue balled up in her sleeve regardless of season, short or long sleeves. Her skin was soft and wrinkly. When you hugged her and touched her hair, powder would puff out.
Oh those Uno games. We would tease her endlessly, and the phrases we learned from her. No more endless Uno games with Grandma--she would get so frustrated and upset with us, it was quite comical.
She's gone. That's hard to believe and wrap my mind around as I'm sitting here in my room in WI. When we head to PA, and we don't go to St. Anne's, and I see her body, I know it's going to hit me. That's when it hit me three years ago when Pappy passed.
I carry her name in my name. Strangely, now that she's left this earth, being named after her seems even more special. I'm a living reminder of my Grandma.
Her laugh. She never would drink her water, it was a sip for each meal. A sandwich and soup for lunch. And her awful cooking. Grandma hated to cook, and it was always pretty horrible. I didn't notice as a young child, but when I lived with them for a month, I noticed it more when I tried to eat her soup.
Grandma grew up during the Depression, so she never threw much out, she bought food to freeze it even if she already had a full freezer. She was careful with her money. Grandma and Pappy always seemed so rich as a young child, even though they weren't.
I keep remembering their old house where they lived for the majority of their married life. Arriving in the middle of the night, and Grandma and Pappy sleeping in their chairs while the TV was still on. The smell. The pathway of the house. The specific feel of the carpet on my feet. Sneaking around and watching TV at night when the parents went to sleep. Climbing on Pappy's lap; sitting next to Grandma and talking or playing Uno. Eating candy out of Grandma's candy jars and purposefully not eating all the licorice flavored pieces.,
Grandma called me a chatterbox and a bag lady. I totally take after her. She always called her purse her luggage because she had everything in her purse. I have the mindset of "what if" regarding my purse, so my purse is always a large bag where I have most everything you would need.
I knew Grandma at a very different period in her life. I am extremely privileged and honored that I was able to live and know her for the past twenty-one years of my life and that I am her granddaughter.
Grandma phrases: "I'm going to flush you down the camod." "Yeller." Instead of saying yellow. "Are you snoopervising? I'll just snoopervise." "Where's my luggage."
I know this incoherent and all over the place, but tonight I needed to journal, to write whatever came to mind. The memories won't stop flooding back, yet the eyes are drooping.
I love you Grandma, I miss you already. I can't wait until we can be reunited in Heaven one day soon.
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