As I've thought about this issue over the past eight years, I've studied the scriptures, and the more I've studied the more I believe the mindset of raising girls with marriage in mind is unbiblical. My statement will bring people up in arms, and it is against the status quo, but I believe there is a better and more biblical way to raise girls into women.
"The highest calling for a woman is to be a wife and mother."
Some people will make that statement, and I literally cringe and shudder when I hear that statement come out of people's mouths. It is such an unbibilcal statement! The highest calling of a believer is to love and serve our Lord Jesus Christ and Savior with all of our heart, mind, soul, and body. To say something else is the highest calling turns that something else into an idol which replaces God's "#1" status in our life.
Matthew 22:37, "And He said unto to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets."
When we surrender ourselves to God's leading, He leads us in the path to the place where He wants us to serve Him. Here's a thought which boggles my mind--in our body of believers, each member has a special calling and place where their specific talents, desires, and life experiences mesh perfectly so they can best serve the Lord in that specific area and location. We may serve in similar occupations (like being a wife and mother), yet each person serves the Lord in a unique way because of where she is in her season of life and how the Lord meshes her talents, desires, and life experiences for His honor and glory.
On the parenting side, sadly, too many parents raise their children with specific occupations in mind such as the issue I've been pondering--raising women for only marriage. I believe parents should have a mindset that they are stewards of their children for a few short years and in those years, the parents are to first bring the gospel to their children and if the Lord saves them, the parents are to then prepare their children for a life of service to their Savior. Our life spent in service to our Savior is the best way to spend our life.
Since the Lord can and does take and use His children in diverse areas so as to spread the gospel to the whole world, parents can't predict where their child will serve the Lord, yet the parents are responsible in assisting the child and preparing her for service to their Lord. My humble suggestion and thought to best prepare your child for the Lord's service is by building their character, by building a strong foundation. A person who is steadfast, respectful, responsible, faithful, genuine, hard-working, caring towards others, has a relationship-building mindset, God-fearing, and desires for her life to bring honor and glory to her Savior is able to be used of the Lord in that specific way He has planned for her life.
Personally, I had to think and study this matter out because in some senses I was raised for marriage and in other senses I was raised to serve the Lord in any matter and position. Around eight years ago, I started thinking about college and life beyond college. At that point in my life, I didn't have any ambitions or dreams of what I wanted to study and end up being besides a wife and a mother. I couldn't imagine, even fathom what my life would be if I didn't get married. I distinctly remember sitting on the stairs and wondering what I would do if I didn't get married. My mind was completely blank. The moment I realized that my only goal in life was to get married and have a family, I knew something was wrong. That desire had become an all consuming focus and an idol in my life. I had completely left God out of my plans and how I could best serve Him. I knew I had to figure this out because my gut told me having marriage and a family as my only goal in life was unwise, unhealthy, and would only lead to discontentment.
So began a life-changing journey.* During this journey, the Lord changed my heart and helped bring me to a more balanced mindset on marriage and singleness--I went from marriage being my only life goal to almost completely opposed to the idea of me being married and singleness being the most biblical to a more balanced view that both singleness and marriage are biblical, and they are both blessed and ordained by God. I realized that God's children are all in different seasons of life and at varying points of singleness and marriage, and God uses His children at all those different seasons of life in special and unique ways. I took my mind off of finding a man, and I started serving the Lord.
Over these past eight years, I've become increasingly burdened for girls who are being raised with only marriage in mind and for those who have been raised with that mindset. I know the heart-rending struggles I went through. I know the pain and suffering. I know the discontentment and dissatisfaction it breeds within you when you don't have that relationship. I want to spare other girls and women from those struggles. I would like to be able to help girls and women to the point the Lord has brought me to. I'm not perfect, but the Lord has brought me to the point in my life where I've told Him wherever, whatever, and with whomever as long I'm serving Him, spreading the gospel, and bringing Him honor and glory. It's a freeing and amazing place to be, as long as I'm loving and serving my Lord.
*This post is already long enough, and the journey will take a while to relate, so that will have to wait for another post.
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