Merry Christmas

The gifts have been exchanged. The house is semi-clean. The couples have returned to their in-laws. Dad, Joanna, and Naomi are on their way to Pennsylvania. The crazy dry tree is down. Mom is packing up the ornaments. RuthAnn is updating her Kindle. Philip is ordering books. Those of us left at the homestead are watching Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol. After that movie, we will then continue to relax and laze around the rest of the day watching movies, sleeping, and eating. I'm starting Pottermore since I finally have some extra time. I believe this is the best way to spend Christmas Day--relaxing around the house.

Have a lovely time with your family on this lovely day! Merry Christmas!!!

12.13.12

I wanted to share this amazing message I received from my dear sister Joanna on my last night of college classes--12.13.12. Yes, we can text books to each other.

"Spend a few moments tonight to think through nights that you've probably already tried to forget. Sleepless, dreary, bleary, tiring, exhausting nights. Nights that barely gave you enough sleep to be able to wake up the few hours later. Nights that you stopped yourself from doing anything fun because you had to be profitable every minute. Nights that you kept drifting off to sleep because your body literally couldn't do anything else. Nights that no matter how hard you worked you know you would end up reliving again sometime later because you had more projects to turn in. Nights that you knew were going to be some of the longest of your life--and probably were.
     When you think about those nights tonight, be proud of what you accomplished and the sacrifices you have made to be where you are today. And know that it will pay off.
     Enjoy your last night of college. Ever. Be proud. Do well tomorrow, and celebrate powerfully! I love you."

Every word about those awful nights is true, and sadly I had more awful nights this past semester than any other. I am ready to never have to live through any more of those nights again, yet I know life will bring all sorts of sleepless, dreary, bleary, tiring, and exhausting nights in my life to come--that's part of life. My sister's text was thoughtful and touching that when I read it to my parents, I barely made it through because of the heavy tears streaming down my face. Joanna has been there for my college years, guiding and advising me. My whole family has been there for me; I'm so thankful for all my family has done for me.                                                  

Five Days of Christmas

Christmas isn't officially until Tuesday, but I have felt like I was in Christmas time since Friday.

It all started with leaving work three-and-a-half-hours early Friday morning. I used my time to make Puppy Chow and chocolate covered pretzels. All by myself. Baking with other people is okay, but baking in an empty house singing along with whatever music I play is perfect. I had just finished my clean-up when the family members returned from their jobs and errands. A lazy afternoon watching a movie with my sister, dinner preparations, and anticipating all the family coming home in a few short hours followed.

Then the family started trickling in. First, Joanna who lives an hour-and-a-half north. Next, Nathan and Kari surprised us from the Lone Star State. Later in the evening, Matt, Michelle, and Calin David (I'm having a nephew in May!!!!!!) drove from the Crossroads of America. When Josh and Brittany showed up the following afternoon our family was all together for the first time in a year.

Saturday was filled with cooking, eating, cooking, running last minute errands, cooking, relaxing around the house enjoying each others company, and cooking. Delightful chaos reigned in the house when some friends and their two children stopped by for two-and-a-half hours. It was Christmas with everyone home talking, relaxing, and enjoying each others company. It was Christmas with the feet of snow mounded against the doors and windows. It was Christmas with the cold biting your cheeks. It was Christmas with just a little family drama; not a lot because that's not how our family usually is, but there was some.

Today, I was able to give my Little Sister her Christmas presents, and then be encouraged at church by my Pastor plus spend some great time talking with Josh and Brittany as we drove to and from church. Now, I sit here blogging and watching football peacefully as I don't have homework or work.

The only sad thing is I don't get to stare at this beautiful tree much longer:

 

Bittersweet

Today, I finished all my college classes. I know I still have student teaching to complete before I can graduate, but student teaching will be completely different than college classes.

Bittersweet has been my word for the past two weeks, and I'll explain. While I am overjoyed to be done with all the college classes and to be one step closer to receiving my bachelors degree, this is a huge transition and change in life. School is all I've known as I've been in school for seventeen years. There has always been new classes and subjects starting in the fall or spring. To know this era of my life is closing is bittersweet.

But I am ready to be done with the late nights, the constant homework, the guilt when I say no to homework because I need a break, the guilt for talking and spending time with my family and friends, and the heaviness which weighs me down all semester.

I'm going to miss my friends being so close, but I can't wait to see where the Lord leads us all. I am so interested to know where we will all be, to see what we have done, to hear where we have been in five to ten years. I'm going to miss interacting with certain teachers. But to be honest there are people and teachers I would be okay not seeing for awhile.

There's been tear and laughter as I check off my lasts.

My last class was wonderful since we read for the fifty minutes and it got to be with one of my favorite teachers, Dr. Lincoln.

I could barely walk into my last Chamber's rehearsal because I didn't want choir to end. Choir has been the best part of my college career--the music I've been able to learn and sing, the friends and people I've gotten to know, and the wonderful tours I've been able to participate in. My last choir rehearsal was lovely as we just sang through our songs, and we ended with Abide with Me and God Be with You until We Meet Again. I cried some before choir and choked up some, but I didn't cry at the end.

I walked out of those last forty minutes in the gym smiling and a bit gleeful.

My last late evening of schoolwork (which was last night) was quite the evening. I was stocked that it was my last night staying up late while being so exhausted to get a paper done and study for my final. I had received the sweetest and kindest text from my dear sister which I will share with you in another post, but I've currently misplaced my phone. Her text made me bawl as I remembered those awful nights and as I was so thankful for the numerous ways my family has supported me. Then there was drama about my paper being due in an hour and ten minutes when my paper needed at least three more hours of revision and editing (papers take me FOREVER). Then there was studying for my last final which consisted of reading through my notes once.

The last final of my college career. Also with my favorite teacher. I needed a 93% to keep my current grade; after the little studying, I thought I would score in the B range. I just checked though, and I scored a 94%. Happiness! I walked out of the classroom in a daze of exhaustion and amazement that my finals were done. I pretty much stumbled to the computer lab to reread my paper and submit it before 11:45. It would have been wisest to probably submit it about now time, but I had been looking forward to December 14th before lunch of being done with my college classes that waiting five hours wasn't an option. I wanted to come home for lunch and be done. I submitted the paper electronically at 11:46, and at 11:47, I posted on Facebook that I was done.

Since then, I've been telling myself that constantly--I'm done, I'm done, I'm done!!!! I'm not sure when it will set in, but I think I'm in shock. However, it's exciting because a new chapter is beginning, but it's sad because a chapter is ending--that's why it is bittersweet to me. Though, I think I'm feeling more of the sweet part than the bitter at this moment. So there's my crazy explanation of this bittersweet time.

Before vs. After

I don't know what's happened to me. I'm sitting here listening to Christmas music BEFORE Thanksgiving.

I don't know what's happened to me. I'm ready to buy our Christmas tree and decorate it and our house BEFORE Thanksgiving.

I don't know what's happened to me. I want to watch my favorite Christmas movie right now--BEFORE Thanksgiving. And then I want to watch a bunch of other Christmas movies.

I don't know what's happened to me. I want to bake all sorts of Christmas goodies BEFORE Thanksgiving.

This is too weird. I truly don't know what's happened to me.

Comfortable and Relaxed

The Four spent this weekend together at my sister Joanna's apartment. One of the things we discussed was how well we get along with each other. For example: our weekend was spent sleeping, talking, reading, watching movies, laying in bed while reading and watching movies, cooking,  shopping, driving around for over an hour trying to find a place to eat, once finding a restaurant waiting forty-five minutes to get in, and all in all enjoying each others company through all of those activities. Though we "did" things throughout the weekend, we never felt pressured to. We just relaxed and enjoyed our time together. I spent the weekend comfortably and came away feeling relaxed and ready to finish the last five weeks of school.

Speaking of finishing school--I registered for student teaching, and I received my Alumni mug. The end is daily closer.

Fuming

I'm a passionate person, so I can be upset. Today, I am fuming. I just sat through the worst forty minutes of my life listening to a man do unspeakable things with the Bible. He judged people and damned them to hell for not believing what he believed. He manipulated the Word of God, and made it to fit his conclusions and beliefs. It was so wrong. It was repugnant. I believe God's Word was defiled today.    

Salaramie Wedding Preparations

This is the wedding weekend of my friends Sarah and Laramie or Salaramie as they were dubbed last night. I took Thursday, Friday, and Saturday off of school and work, and I'm enjoying my time preparing for the wedding day of Sarah and Laramie.

Thursday, we were busy setting up the church and reception area, spending time with their family, buying last minute things, and driving around town. After dinner, we played dinner parlor games which was great for bonding and

This morning, all the girls went to get their nails done. I had my first mani/pedi!

I've painted my nails maybe two times in my life, so having red nail polish on them is super strange for me. (As I was helping Sarah pack for her honeymoon, I told her I felt strangely like a mom because I was packing with red nails. I know, I'm super strange, but that was the connection I made.) If I would ever get my nails done again, I would like to try French tip. Random piece of information: I'm ticklish  and the massaging of my feet didn't bother me like I thought it would.

I'm about ready to head to the wedding rehearsal and the dinner. I've had two brothers get married, but I feel more involved in this wedding then their weddings. Not sure why.

It's time I left this horribly disjointed post.

In case you were wondering, I was reading The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin as I was waiting for my hair-cut.

Spreading the News

I've been dying to share this information for a week and a half, and now I finally can:

I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe, the exclamation points are overkill, but I'm super excited. Almost every time I've entered my car in the past week and a half, I've done a happy dance about me being an aunt. No, literally almost every time I've been in my car. I've been waiting for this day since I was about ten years old, and as some siblings have married, the waiting and desire to be an aunt has intensified. Now, the time has arrive, and in the beginning of May, I will have a little niece or nephew!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Love Fall

Our rides to Church these past couple weeks have been beautiful. I love fall; there isn't a thing about fall I don't love. The colors, the food, the weather, the football, the sweaters, the coziness--it's all marvelous. So here are some pictures which illustrate my love of fall.  

Wide Awake

It's Saturday night again, and I can't sleep. I've only lived with myself my whole life, but I still can't learn that naps in the afternoon make me wide awake come bedtime. Oh well, I did some homework, so I wouldn't feel so guilty about wasting time on Facebook and blogging. But I don't really view blogging as a waste of time; it's cathartic, good for me, plus I enjoy it.

My Meltdown: 
I think I had my first meltdown this month. I hit a low point the first couple weeks of the semester. The future and a job consumed my mind and thoughts. I was freaking out about my eighteen credits which is made up of eight education classes including one directed/independent study and an online class. I told work I could work around twenty hours a week. My meager assistance in my friend's wedding was stressing me out because it was on top of everything else. All of this worked together to make me have a meltdown. I was crabby; I was upset all the time; my fuse was extra short; I was unpleasant and at times nasty to my family; and I was trying to figure out how everything would work. To put it shortly, it was awful.

I finally talked to my mom before I headed to work one night. She agreed that I had a lot on my plate, but it didn't matter how much was on my plate. What mattered was my attitude toward the situation. My attitude was very selfish and trying to make things as easy as possible. I didn't want to be stretched; I didn't want to be inconvenienced; I didn't want to put in the long hours; I didn't want the constant tiredness; I wanted to be done with school and all the homework which education majors receive.

What I wanted, honestly, didn't matter because it wasn't what I needed. I need to be stretched; I need to be inconvenienced because I am highly jealous of my me time; I need to put in the long hours financially; the constant tiredness shows me my strength comes only from God; I need to day by day make my way through this last semester of crazy school and homework.

I headed to work challenged and discouraged. Thankfully, the Lord allowed me to stock shelves that day, so He and I talked for a good while. I prayed for strength and patience. I confessed my dependence on self and my selfishness. I made a plan of how to view this semester and make it until December 14. I can't really change my circumstances, but I can change my attitude.

For work, I'm not going to change my schedule. I prayed over those hours and times during the summer, and I made that commitment to work--I need to keep my commitment. I must be more diligent with my open hours, more diligent and disciplined with them. I do need my down times to recharge, and I must find a balance between school and being with family and friends. I cannot be so jealous of my me time because I have such a short time with my family and friends, and I want to continue to build relationships with them.

I haven't been as stressed since that Tuesday talk with God. He has helped me greatly in the last three weeks as I continue on my journey of this last semester of classes. I don't want to get that low again because it was not pretty. I daily remind myself that this is all from my good, perfect, and sovereign God; He knows what is best for me.  

Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths."

I'm . . .

Not pregnant, I promise. But sometimes I act like I am.

You may wonder what brought this on, so I'll explain.

One afternoon at church as we were eating lunch, I commented on the fact that my love for peanut butter has just grown and how I crave it more than ever. Someone stared at me and jokingly asked if I was pregnant. I laughed and responded in the negative. I informed her, though, that sometimes my food and other habits make me look like a pregnant woman.

I crave a wide variety of foods regularly; peanut butter, fried chicken, and ice cream I crave the most intensely and regularly. I adore saltines which means I eat them regularly, not just because I'm nauseous  One of my sisters told me people won't be able to tell if I'm pregnant since I eat saltines so regularly. This may be too much information, but I also use the restroom as frequently as a pregnant lady. So sometimes my actions are like a pregnant ladies.

I promise, though, that I'm not pregnant.

My Name and Other Things

I've had numerous of customers at The Grocery Store tell me they've never heard of my name before. Some ask me how I got that name, and I respond that it's from the Bible. Others just comment on the name. When I head back to school, I'm reminded that in my current circle of people, my name is awfully common. First there's my cousin Bethany N., then a Bethany G., a Bethany F., a Bethany B, a Bethany L., a Bethany H., a Bethany P., and three Bethany S. Those are counting the people I know pretty well, not all the other countless Bethany's out there.

Also in other related new, I:

1. Talked to Laura for about five hours on Thursday and then another two or three on Sunday.

2. Read Secret of Chimneys in a twelve hour span, and most of it was in one sitting. Hehe, I love doing that. Agatha Christie is a genius, and Anthony Cade is always enjoyable.

3. Finished the Star Wars series. Not sure if I'll ever watch the new ones again, but I want to own the original and watch them again and again. Highly enjoyable. Also, I want an Ewok and Yoda because of the absolute adorableness of both.

4. Watched more of my tv shows, though I didn't get to finish them.

5. Went to the fabulous Mexican restaurant in town for lunch with RuthAnn and Philip. We missed Joanna greatly, but we still inhaled the chips and salsa plus those fantastic burrito fajitas (which are to die for).

6. Blogged about Ginevra de' Benci. The trip down memory lane was good for me. It was good to think back on those years and how much I've changed.

7. Slept. Never super late because that's not me, but I loved sleeping without having to get up for school.

I think I'm ready to start my last semester of classes in my undergraduate career. I'm ready to finish college.  

Ginevra de' Benci

Ginevra de' Benci changed my life.

As a child, I had no interest in paintings. My family would discuss them, but I had no interest. I would look through encyclopedias or library books of paintings Philip checked out, but I had no interest. Nothing could make me like or enjoy paintings.

When I was fourteen, my family decided to vacation in Washington DC for spring break. This was monumental because 1) we weren't visiting family in PA; we were heading to a vacation destination*, 2) we weren't playing any concerts along the way which meant no instruments were coming with us, and 3) we weren't staying with people; we were getting a motel.

We planned our vacation for months. We talked through which museums and memorials to visit, when to visit them, and how long we could spend at each place. We researched the best places to visit. The spy museum was high on everyone's list, and then the National Gallery of Art. I, at this time in my life, had no desire to look at paintings let alone visit the National Gallery of Art. I was proud of the fact of not enjoying paintings. It's strange to think back and realize how childish I was.

The day came for our visit to the National Gallery of Art. My dad and three siblings headed off to it while I went with my mom to the Natural History museum to pick up more rocks. It's also sad to realize that rocks (for souvenirs) had a higher priority than real live paintings. By the time mom and I arrived at the museum, we had about forty-five minutes before the gallery closed. I had to choose what I wanted to see because we couldn't find our family. I chose Renaissance art because I knew the National Gallery of Art owned the only Leonardo da Vinci in the States. And as against paintings as I was, I really wanted to see a da Vinci. Then I saw Ginevra de' Benci.

I stared at the painting in awe. Literal awe. The detail, the clearness, those curls, the trees. All of it blew me away. I remember I was especially amazed by the brushstrokes. I could see them. I hadn't really connected brushstrokes and a painting before. To me at that moment, the brushstrokes made the painting real. I couldn't believe I was staring at something Leonardo da Vinci had his hands on. I was in awe.

My life had been changed. When I dragged myself away from Ginevra de' Benci, I wandered through the Rembrandt's staring at the paintings. I was fascinated by the brushstrokes, and I wanted to keep staring at all the paintings, I wanted to wander through the whole gallery and soak in the art. I was devastated that the National Gallery of Art closed in thirty to twenty minutes.

Ginevra de' Benci holds a dear spot in my heart because of the way I changed after viewing it. Even though I'm not an art connoisseur today, I now appreciate and love learning more about it. I now adore going to galleries though I don't have as many opportunities as I would like. Paintings opened my eyes to the other aspects of art and my love of history grew and deepened.

So there's the story of my profile picture and a day and painting which changed my life.

*We are the people who think Washington DC is a vacation spot. Museums are our friends, especially free ones. 

A Couple Things To Complete

To complete my amazing summer, I need to do a couple of other things:

1. Talk with Laura face-to-face. Laura is a great friend from college. She gets in today, and after she's moved in, we'll be talking for hours trying to solve all the problems because that's what we do when we get together. I'm super excited.

2. Read Secret of Chimneys. I think finishing my summer with some Anthony Cade is a good idea. Plus, Agatha Christie has a way of writing this story, so I'm not 100% sure how it all works out in the end with all the in's and out's which means I'm always in suspense even though I've read it three or four times. Yes, I adore rereading books.

3. Finish Star Wars. We've had Return of the Jedi out for a couple of days, but with the craziness of moving sisters and international students arriving plus work, we haven't been able to watch it. I'm ready to finish this series.

4. Watch some more of a great tv show. Or two great tv shows.

5. Spend some more time with RuthAnn and Philip. Once school starts, I won't see them, and life without seeing them or talking to them is not as great.

6. Blog about my profile picture. I've been meaning to explain since I started this blog why I have that painting as my profile picture.

7. Sleep just a little more. I slept in today, but I have only two more days I can sleep in before school starts. Then it will be three and a half months before I have a day to sleep in. I told The Grocery Store I would work every Saturday morning.

But now I'm off to meet up with Laura.

Keep Calm and Carry On

I usually find motivational posters and sayings dumb. Yet, I love this one.

I first learned of this saying eight or nine months ago, so I missed all the initial craziness and hype over it. A man from church sent an article on the origin of the statement. I thought the saying was perfect for how England endured the nine months straight of bombings in WWII. It's also utterly British in how they act.

Something about it connected with me. I look at the poster, and I'm given strength to continue. I know very strange, but I think about all that England endured with nine months of bombings. I reevaluate my life, and I realize that I can survive what is going on in my life right now. I've decided that it would be a good motto for this next year and possibly my life.

You do have the right to make fun of me for loving a motivational saying, but I will continue to have a love for this saying. And yes one day, I may own some copies of it.

Future Thoughts

My final semester of classes start in nine days. The joy that enters my mind and body is indescribable. And then the worry enters. I'm graduating from college in nine months. In nine months, I will have no more required plans. I have to start looking for a job. How am I going to find a job, I'm going into the teaching field?

Since high school, my plan has been to find a teaching job overseas when I finished college. As the years through college progressed, I had been planning on teaching at a Christian school in Hawaii. However, as the college years have progressed, I've come to the conclusion that I don't believe in Christian schools. If I don't believe in those kinds of schools, why would I teach there? So now, I'm faced with the thoughts of jumping out into the unknown.

The adventure of moving overseas intrigues me; it intrigues me a lot. Yet I'm not sure if I've worked through all the realistic and practical parts of moving overseas. Find a job at an international school. Find housing in _____ country and get settled. Move all my supplies over to _____ country and school. I know my sister RuthAnn moved overseas in two suitcases, but would that be possible for me? Get a visa. Learn a language. Be thousands of miles away from my family. Find a church body. Have no vehicle or learn to drive in a foreign country. Find a bank. Pay taxes in another country. Teach my own classroom for the first time in an international school.

Moving across the country scares me in a way I never would have imagined. I don't like this feeling. This wariness, timidity, nervousness (I can't find the right word) about the future doesn't seem like me. Well according to my perspective of myself. I've always thought of myself as a person who's willing to go wherever, whenever, and with whoever or with nobody. I have always groaned inwardly when people said they couldn't ever imagine moving away and specifically overseas; I've dreamed about moving overseas for years. Why all the wariness/worries? Why now? I don't want future worries to hinder me from continuing on my path.

I truly have no clue where the Lord will have me in a years time, but honestly it's okay because with all the worries, there's also a peace when I remember that He knows where I'll be in a year and that place will be the best place for me to serve Him at that time. I'll still be busy making plans and following leads, but it's reassuring and peaceful knowing it's all in His hands.

A Dream Come True

A dream come true. That's what happened when The Four took our road trip to NC. For years, we've (The Four) talked in passing of taking a road trip, and now it finally has happened. It's in the past now which is weird to think about.

We had such an amazing time together. We are similar enough, so we travel well together. Yet, we're each our own person with different thoughts, opinions, and experiences which adds tot the color of our time together. We enjoy the same car activities--listening to music, watching movies/shows, reading, sleeping, and reading trivial pursuit cards (yes we are that nerdy), so there's really no bickering over what we should do as we drive. We're also good travelers, so we know how to drive for four or five hours straight, or we know when to be quite so the driver can focus.

We had a fabulous time visiting friends. With our NC friends, we spent the time together setting up for a wedding and then participating in the wedding. Our days we're packed with church and reception set-up plus all of the craziness of family and friends coming to visit. We also all got to experience the evil-psycho-flower-lady, whom I yelled at twice because she was so crazy and frustrating. The best part was getting away Thursday night after the rehearsal and heading to the beach at 10:30 at night with The Four and our close friends. The beach is gorgeous at night, especially when there's a full moon. With our SC friends, we enjoyed a quiet day of talking, shopping, eating, and watching Olympics. I enjoyed getting to know their cat--Mr. Darcy.

We loved getting to visit our brother Matt and his wife Michelle. We got to see their newly remodeled house which is just beautiful. We ate some amazing pizza, and we learned all about the Olympic sport of speed-walking. Which, if you're interested, Olympic speed-walking has some interesting videos to show what the sport of speed-walking is all about. We caught up and filled each other in on the latest gossip. Even though we had such a short time with them, we had such a wonderful time.

All in all the trip was wonderful. I'm not sure if The Four will ever take a road trip again, but if not, we will have good memories of when we were able to make a dream become reality.

Frankie's Brakes Continued

Sears couldn't fix my break line. I didn't start crying until I was talking to my dad, and there was silence on the phone because we didn't know what to do. The Four were stranded in eastern SC. We were supposed to be in western SC with our friends. Where was Frankie supposed to go? He certainly wasn't driveable, and it was Saturday afternoon--all the auto shops were closed. Crying wasn't going to help find a solution, so I stopped as we started brainstorming.

We had to find a dealership. Frankie's brake lines were rusted, and Sears said only dealerships would work on it. Another hitch is that Oldsmobile doesn't make cars anymore which means we had to find a GM dealership. Thankfully Barnes and Noble has wi-fi and comfy chairs positioned between romance and mystery. So the four of us sat around looking for a dealership.

However, Dad, in NC, found a dealership where Frankie could sit over the weekend and then get fixed. And our friends in western SC were willing to drive and pick us up.

We sat in Barnes and Noble reading, on the phone, and talking. We ate dinner and did some shopping. Then it was time to begin the perilous journey to the dealership. At this point, Frankie's brake line would leak all the break fluid in about 10 minutes. Frankie would start beeping when the break fluid was low. For the first time I can remember, the GPS took us the wrong way. We put more break fluid in because Frankie was beeping at us and made it to the dealership.

The receptionist allowed us to park on the carport instead of the lot, so Frankie would be looked at and possibly fixed sooner. And our friends picked us up. They were amazing--driving three hours to get us and then three hours back.

Monday morning, my parents drove from NC to SC to pick up the car after it was fixed. They didn't replace my break lines (though they will need to be replaced soon); they plugged the hole. Frankie was ready for the road by 11:30 AM.

From this trip, I now know that Frankie needs new tires and new break lines. I'm super thankful that in both situations, the flat tire and leaking break line, the Lord kept us safe. I'm thankful for parents who are willing to jump in and drive around the country to help me when Frankie has his problems. They were willing to search for car places in both situations. They called dealerships and auto shops. They gave up time with their friends, so we wouldn't lose too much time with our brother and his wife. I'm also thankful for R, J, and P. They were great to be with. The tire would not have been changed if not for J and P. J drove Frankie as he leaked brake fluid. R was extremely steady; in fact, all of them were steady. I could not have made it without all of them.

I now feel more prepared for life in dealing with cars and taking road trips.

Frankie's Brakes

Frankie's break line is leaking. Yes, I'm on my road trip vacation.

My hands are shaking. My stomach is in knots. My heart hasn't slowed down since we pulled into the gas station off of I-95. My mind is racing a mile a minute. I can't read because my mind won't slow down. I keep checking the clock. But there's nothing I can do. My car is out of my hands. God knows how much this is going to cost and how much time we'll have to sit in the mall waiting. I must trust God and wait on His timing.

There's a peace knowing He's in control, but my mind won't settle down. It won't calm down. I'm so nervous because I have no control over this situation. Plus Frankie is holding us up from seeing friends we haven't seen in at least two years if not more.

Allowing myself to freak out and worry is not wise. And it's not helping me calm down. I'm trying to put this in perspective--this is one day out of many, this is one car problem out of many, the Lord worked out the flat tire amazingly just a couple of days ago, worse things could have happened to Frankie, we in the car could have been majorly injured, the brake line could have broken in no-man's-land, and we could be sitting in a car dealership instead of a Barnes and Noble.

I'm waiting for a call, but I'm going to start heading back to the dealership now.

Outside My Door

You know I have a flying guest. Well, I also have a bee's nest now. What is so interesting about my porch hanging?

I just want to be able to enter my house without fear of an attack from bird or bee.

96 Hours of Bliss

From Thursday at 3:00 PM until Monday at 3:15 PM last week, I was not scheduled to work. I had 96 hours of bliss, free from work, customers, and all other work related things. It was amazing. 

How did I get those days off? 

Well, it started because I asked off for the wrong weekend to visit family. Then, I thought other family was visiting, but they weren't. So, I just kept my weekend off. 

What did I do with my weekend? 

I spent time at the library. This time I put new labels on books, shelf-reading, and straitened the puzzle area. I enjoyed talking with the ladies without feeling the pressure of heading to work. 

I read. I'm rereading Harry Potter, so I finished HP1 and HP2. I love jumping into Rowling's world. I'm reminded of how a great a story-teller she is. I love realizing how she was weaving the conclusion, hinting, and setting up for all the other plot lines which come later. 

I watched some movies. Though at the moment I can't remember any of them. I think we watched Star Wars  1. (We're rewatching all of them. Last night we finished SW3. I want to watch the other three before vacation, but they say that's too many in a week.) 

I slept. I loved not worrying about staying up too late because I had to work the next day. The weather cooled some which made sleeping even better.

I wrote some letters. It only took me an hour to write two letters this time as opposed to the last time which took two hours. 

I spent time with my family and catching up with some friends. Good food, good conversation, good shopping, good driving, good times, and great people. 

I highly enjoyed my 96 hours of bliss, and I'm anxiously awaiting my (at least) 192 hours away which I'm sure will also be blissful.  

More News on My Flying Guest

We checked yesterday, and there are four little eggs in the nest.

So, the nest must stay, and I'll probably need to find another entrance into the house while I have my flying guest.

My Flying Guest

Every time I go to my house I now have a ritual. I shake my keys, say "move" a couple of times, and move my arms around some. Why do I have this strange ritual?

A bird built it's nest in the awning over my door.

I discovered this one night, of course before the ritual started. I was unlocking my door when a bird flew right past me. My awning is maybe 3' x 3', so there's not tons of room for me to avoid the bird, or the bird to avoid me. Needless to say I jumped and may have let a small scream escape.

Then I started the ritual. The first day or so, I continued to jump because I would forget I had a guest living outside my house. Now, I remember, and I'm more faithful with the ritual.

The bird and I are starting to understand each other: I complete the ritual as I walk towards my door, and he/she realizes what my ritual means and flies away before I get to the awning. I think our relationship is deepening.

My next job is to see if there are any eggs in the nest. If so, I must wait for them to hatch, and I'll continue my relationship with my flying guest. If not, it doesn't matter where we are in our relationship, my flying guest is leaving.

38 Years

That's how long my parents have been married.

You double my age and you're in the ballpark of 38 years.

They lived in Washington, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin as a married couple.

They traveled the States together.

They had 8 children.

They supported and raised them all on a very small educators salary.

The Lord used both of them to bring all of their 8 children to be children of God.

They instilled a passion for thinking in all of their children.

They set a Godly example to follow.

They are an example of sacrificial living.

They are an example of giving their lives completely to God no matter the cost.

They are an example of parents choosing to give their children to God and truly desiring His will for their children's lives.

They showed all their children the importance of lifelong learning.

They are an example of staying faithful.

They are my parents.

Delicious Food

This summer, I've been planning the family meals, and when I'm around, cooking them. RuthAnn suggested searching the food blogs for recipes. About a week ago I found two recipes which looked great. We tried them Monday and Tuesday, and both were a success.

On Monday night, Philip made Spicy Grilled Chicken Salad with Noodles

Click here to find the recipe. Here's what we tweaked: we used oyster sauce instead of fish sauce; we used sesame oil instead of walnut oil; we used regular chili sauce instead of chili garlic sauce; and we used chicken breasts instead of thighs because that's what I had.

It was super delicious. Nice, cool, and refreshing. We all thought it would be great to put on a tortilla and eat as a wrap. Joanna tried it in our last tortilla, and that was also great. You didn't have to worry about everything making it from the fork to your mouth. The downside was all the prep time with the cutting and julienning the vegetables. Yet, it was all worth it.

On Tuesday, I made Baked Ziti. I've always enjoyed this dish at potlucks, but it was always dry. This one wasn't.

I tweaked the amount of sauce; I had a 24 oz jar and then leftover spaghetti sauce I added in too, so I'm not sure how much I actually used. I also used dried oregano from our garden.

I loved scooping it out and cheese was stringing all over. Super simple. We had delicious crusty and chewy bread as a side. A yummy dinner.

Both meals were great food-wise, but also my family was there which made them better. And as we do, we had good family conversation. And of course we spilled water all over the table on both nights. Soon, we'll be even more scattered over the States, and our family dinners will become a rarity. So I'm trying to enjoy all of them (even when I'm crabby like I was Monday night).

Making Decisions

First, let me apologize for not realizing that my blog had changed this whole post to white, so here, hopefully, is a version you can actually read!

This post has been adapted and expanded from a letter I wrote to a friend; we've been discussing decision making.

I'm in the stage of life where decisions seem extra prominent and VERY important. I feel, and my peers too, that every decision is life-changing, and we're terrified of making a decision because it may be the wrong one. Everyday I draw closer to finishing my college education (!!!!), and I'm faced with--what's next? How am I going to make those decisions which will get me to the next stage in my life? I've been mulling this over on and off for a while; I will try and make it coherent as possible, but you know I struggle to articulate myself.

Before I start listing my thoughts on decision making I need to say this first: I believe that as a believer once you've made a decision you know that was the Lord's will because you made that decision. Now that doesn't mean every decision is going to work out perfectly for you, but you can rest secure in the fact that God is in control; that He does know best; and that He never stops taking care of His children. Also as a believer, I pray you would desire to make wise decisions. I also believe that big decisions are the culmination of many small decisions which is why we must be careful and wise with all of our decisions. That being said, here are my thoughts on decision making.

First, prayer and searching of the scriptures must be the foundation to all wise decision making. In short, you must continually build, strengthen, and grow your relationship with Christ. When you make decisions, you're searching to make decisions which will give Him the most honor, glory, and praise. A humble, willing, loving, and serving attitude toward our Father and His will is a must for decision making (also life). As you pray, it is vital to ask for wisdom from our Father, and that His will be done, not ours.

Second, research is absolutely necessary. During the whole research process, you're collecting information. Research takes many forms, and in each form, you collect information in a different way. All of these forms should be done. For some decisions, you'll need to do them simultaneously while others need some forms of research completed before you delve into other forms.

The first form is what we would consider research--reading books about something, reading reviews, test-driving, comparing prices, visiting places, etc.

The second form applies to relationship building of any kind--sibling, parents, friends, relatives, coworkers, significant others, etc. The second form of research looks like this--spending time with people, talking with and listening to them, discussing serious and funny things, observing and spending time with them in different settings. All of this assists as you make decisions about your relationship with that person--how to help them, what they need, etc.

The third form is counsel. Proverbs discusses time and time again seeking wise counsel. At our age in life, we are making decisions 'on our own.' Which means, more than ever, we need to seek wise counsel. Even though, you are at an age where you can independently make your own choices; it's not wise to forsake advice and counsel. Listen to others; don't just hear what you want to hear. Listen to their thoughts on people, situations, and anything else that relates to the decision.

For the fourth form of research, you must turn inward. You need to (re)search your own heart to discover motivations, interests, reasoning, reactions, desires, and much more concerning the decision. This is good because you can see how fickle and wayward your heart is, yet you'll hopefully also see how the Lord is changing your heart to be more like Christ. It's also good to be honest with your desires. You need to analyze what is at the root of your desires, and you need to realize that God uses our desires. He gives desires to be used for His honor, glory, and praise.

Third, you must make a choice, a decision. You cannot sit around and twiddle your thumbs while you wait for a sign from God. As nice as it would be if God texted us what to do, I believe sign waiting shows a huge lack of faith. I know that sounds harsh, but I'm afraid too many times we're afraid to make a decision without the writing on the wall to confirm our decision. God commands us to trust Him and put our faith in Him; we're to walk by faith, not sight. Having faith means, as I said earlier, you realize that God is in control of all situations; that He does know what is best; and that He always takes care of His children.

*Fourth, as you make the decision you must realize that that decision is permanent and life-changing while also realizing that that one decision doesn't mean you've chosen a life path you can never turn from. I know that sounds strange. I think part of the reason we're so afraid to make decisions is they seem so final. Yes, some decisions are final--marriage and salvation, for example. Yet most of the decisions we want a sign--college, major in college, car, house, job--are temporary and can and more than likely will change throughout our life. Personally, I know the Lord wanted me to major in the field I did, yet I may not "use" that degree for more than 2-5 years after graduation. Does a part of me regret that I chose it? Honestly, yes. But I also realize the Lord had me choose it for a reason, and even if I don't understand it now, one day or many days from now I'll know why or partially why. This doesn't mean it makes the decision any easier, yet I'm really trying to focus that my Father is in control.

So in conclusion, you must be confident in your decision, but don't rest in your confidence. Rest in the confidence of the sovereignty of your Father, and continue to build the most important relationship in your life with the most important person in your life--your Heavenly Father.

*I realize this section still needs more thought and work. 

An Update

If you'll think back almost four weeks I ago, I was anxiously waiting to take my Praxis 2 test. As you'll recall, I didn't feel very confident after the test.

I've been waiting all these weeks for my score. I waited two weeks before I let myself check online. Nothing was available. After that I checked two or three more times before July 4, 2012.

July 4, 2012 I worked all day. Before I went to work though, I decided to check one more time before Saturday (which would be the four week mark, the time the proctor said the scores would be available).

I logged in.

And there it was. The link to my score report.

I passed! I needed a 146 to pass, and I scored a 169. Words can't describe the relief which washed over me as I looked at my scores.

All day I couldn't stop smiling when I thought about it at work. As my family was all asleep when I left, I told them the exciting news when I returned from work.

Our family has had quite the exciting happenings in the past four weeks--Philip and RuthAnn found a job, Naomi received a raise, RuthAnn received a phone, Dad's dissertation proposal was accepted, and I passed my Praxis 2.  

Working on Independence Day

If you work retail or have worked retail, you understand that you work every holiday. Thinking about, let alone asking off for a holiday is unthinkable.

I don't usually mind working holidays or holiday weekends because our family has never been big with the parties or big family get-togethers since we live ten driving hours from the nearest extended relative and most of the immediate family live five to twenty driving hours away.

I had to work yesterday, and I was okay with it until I got to work and started my shift. Then I got a little annoyed.

First of all, I realized people weren't just picking up last little things, which I assumed would be the case. No, they were doing their grocery shopping. Some were for parties, but most were regular everyday shopping. Now, I understand that you run your errands on your day(s) off. Today, I did my grocery shopping because I was off and finally had time to complete it. But come on people, you're going to do your grocery shopping on Independence Day? You're going to buy all of your party food three hours before the party? You had all weekend and the evenings up to the 4th to prepare. I'm not sure why it upset me so much, but I was actually getting annoyed.

Second people started commenting on me working the holiday. Customers would say, "Oh, I'm so sorry you have to work today." I would just stare at them while I was thinking, "Um, I'm working because of you. Why don't you do your shopping early, so we wouldn't have to be open. Why don't you stop expecting that all stores will still be open on all holidays." It was brutally hot yesterday (102 with high humidity), so customers told me I was better off working inside then being outside. Hmm, maybe they should let me judge for myself if I want to be inside (in my house or at work) or outside (pushing carts or going to a picnic).

Third, we were crazy busy. It wasn't just a couple of people who were doing their grocery shopping and picking up last minute items (because there were those too); there were hoards of people. It felt like Saturday busyness, but without all the people working on Saturday.

Fourth, I pondered staying open for holidays. I know in Europe, per Philip while on his travels, most everything is closed on Sundays and holidays. I can justify/understand staying open for holidays like Mother's Day, Father's Day, Memorial Day, and Halloween. But I truly can't justify/understand staying open for your countries Independence Day. As a side note, I'm not the most "patriotic" person ever, but it is an exciting and momentous thing to celebrate. People should understand that and plan ahead, and companies should say we're closing for more than one day a year.

In conclusion, I came home a bit frustrated. I have vowed that I'm not going to be the person who is running to pick-up things on the day of a holiday because I will have planned ahead, and I will remember my frustration with people who use it as a time to run errands.  

An Interesting Dinner

An awful dinner with great people happened last night. Here's the story

The Four enjoy trying new restaurants, especially the strange ones which our town starts. Rock River Catering is the latest one in that line-up.

We (The Four and Naomi) were all home last night, and decided it was the time to try Rock River Buffet and Catering. As soon as Philip and I walked in, we knew it was going to be an experience. The walls had woodsy paintings with birch textured paintings. The hostess, and all the waitresses, had an apron which looked like a vest. Like this:

Then we look at the prices--$11.49 for Sunday dinner. With tax, we payed $12.12 for our dinner. They made us pay before we were seated. Which I know happens at some buffets, yet it didn't help us feel that they we're trying to get our money before we ate the food.

The only food that tasted awful were the "Greek Potatoes"; they had an acidic taste which kept going and going after you finished the bite. Completely awful. Everything else was just sub-par. They had FOUR pasta and marinara/meat sauce combinations. The salad bar offered lettuce, cucumbers, and croutons. No cheese, no carrots. They offered one kind of chicken and ribs plus three kinds of fish. Since I'm not a fish fan and the chicken looked strange, I tried the ribs. They weren't awful, but it wasn't a rib night for me. There wasn't anything in the whole buffet which looked good or interesting. Plus the food was warm, not hot, just that weir d warm where it becomes even less appetizing.

We all tried each others food, so we could all say how regular it was. And then we discussed how long we thought it would be open.

We give it six months.

Correspondence

These past couple of years, I've become a letter writer. Mainly through the influence of my friends Abby and Laura. I wish people would write more letters. There's nothing like receiving a handwritten letter. It's so much more personal than an email. I received mail a couple of days ago, and I was completely ecstatic. I however, also correspond through email. And I like that too. I like the quickness, and that I save money by not buying stamps.

Staying in touch with people is marvelous; I wouldn't ever want to lose touch with so many people. Yet, the correspondence part takes time. I'm always amazed at how long it will take me to respond to an email or a letter. Most require at the least thirty minutes and some will take up to an hour. Yet, I'm willing to invest that time because I want to stay in touch with my friends. With Facebook, I think we must work harder to work harder at keeping our friendships and relationships growing. We're too willing to say we're staying in touch by reading their Facebook posts and liking their newest post.

However, I must conclude this post because I need to write some letters and respond to some emails.

I've Fallen in Love . . .

With Pride and Prejudice.

The last time I read Pride and Prejudice I was thirteen or fourteen. I knew the story because I had grown up watching the old BBC version--no not the Colin Firth 1995 adaptation, I can't stand that one--the 1980 adaptation, I love that one. My impression than was that it was good, but I didn't see what all the fuss was over.  And I loved Emma way more than Pride and Prejudice.

My impression this time was vastly different.

I completely fell in love with the book, and its heroine and hero.

I love the way Austen writes. I enjoy the witticism. She truly is a witty writer, and the wit flows in this book more than I remembered. I needed to read carefully, so I could pick-up all the nuances of her sentences as her characters interact with their personal thoughts and with other characters. " [ Elizabeth] sighed at the perverseness of those feelings which would not have promoted its continuance, and would formerly have rejoiced in its termination."

Austen is incredible at giving a criticism in 'kind' terms. Mr. Collins says to Elizabeth, "My dear Miss Elizabeth, I have the highest opinion in the world of your excellent judgment in all matters within the scope of your understanding." Or the highly known Mr. Bennet statement, "You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these twenty years at least."

As in life, Austen fills Pride and Prejudice with a variety of characters, and I love the variety. As I read Pride and Prejudice this time, I focused on trying to understand her characters better. Looking deeper at the clues, Austen gives about each character in the story which reveal his/her true character. Each character adds to the richness of the book, and each assists Elizabeth as she grows up. I feel like I have a better grasp of the characters than ever before.

I finished the book last night, and I was reflecting on why I loved it so much. 1. The witty writing. 2. Watching the heroine and hero grow up. I truly enjoy seeing the change, the maturing which occurs. They both realize that first impressions should not be trusted. They realize that they cannot trust their feelings and thoughts all the time. As they grow up, they grow closer together because together they assist each other to mature more and become better people. While the Bennet family is on pins and needles waiting to discover Lydia and Wickham, Elizabeth ponders her and Darcy. 

She began now to comprehend that he was exactly the man, who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her. His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, would have answered all her wishes. It was an union that must have been to the advantage of both; by her ease and liveliness, his mind might have been softened, his manners improved, and from his judgment, information, and knowledge of the world, she much have received benefit of greater importance. 

I know this post is disjointed, and I'm struggling to express my utter love for Pride and Prejudice, so I'm going to stop. Maybe I need time for more reflection. I know for sure that I'll never find a movie adaptation worthy to compare to the book (though the 1980 adaptation does a good job). I know I will reread Pride and Prejudice many more times in my life because I have completely fallen in love with it. 

Friends and Driving Alone

This morning, I headed up to Wisconsin Dells to visit a long-time friend. Abby and I have been long-distance friends since we were ten or eleven. We met at a camp, exchanged email addresses, and started a friendship through email. Even though we live apart, we've managed to keep our friendship alive all these years. It had been a year since we had seen each other, so we spent the afternoon catching up with each other, and it was positively delightful. I love catching up with friends, hearing what they've been doing, what's happened to them, and how the Lord is working in their lives. All in all, it was enjoyable.


Besides loving my time catching up with a good friend, I loved my drive there and back. Despite what some people think, Wisconsin is beautiful. Everything is incredibly green. Indescribably green. As you drive through the country, you see green fields and in the background green trees densely packed on a slight hill. It takes my breath away. I couldn't stop drinking in the green fields and trees with the beautiful blue sky and fluffy clouds dotting the sky.

Pictures don't do it justice, but they help a little


I loved the quiet time. I don't mind quiet; I find it restful and invigorating at the same time. There's something exciting about driving by yourself mainly because of the quiet time. On the way, I didn't let myself turn on the radio. I alternated between focusing on my driving, thinking, praying, and singing. I know it's dorky, but I enjoyed singing to myself. It brought fond memories of singing to my campers. I was very convicted when I sang through Jesus I Adore Thee: 

Jesus, I adore Thee, Word of truth and grace,

Who in glory shineth light upon our race. 

Christ, to Thee surrendered, my whole heart is bowed.

Alpha and Omega, thou true Son of God. 

Taste and touch and vision to discern Thee, fail;

Faith that comes by hearing pierces through the veil.

I believe whate'er the Son of God hath told. 

What the truth hath spoken, that for truth I hold.

 Word of God incarnate, Lord of life and light, 

Teach me how to love and worship Thee aright.

Holy Spirit, ever bide within my heart, 

Speaking Thy commandments, telling all Thou art.

Wondrous revelation, verity and grace.

Lo, in heaven's glory I see Thee face to face.

Light of endless light Whom heaven and earth adore,

Fill me with They radiance, now and evermore. 

"I believe whate'er the Son of God hath told. What the Truth hath spoken, that for truth I hold." That's a powerful statement. I can't articulate how much that means to me. The parents and I had a discussion which related to standing for the truth given in the Bible no matter the hardships. 

On the way home, I had quiet time and time with the radio on. I loved listening to NPR, and then switiching to a radio station and singing along. It's great fun belting out a song to the radio. 

I can't wait until my next drive alone. 

Or my next visit with a friend. 

Romance in Real Life

Do you remember my unexpected friend--Sarah? Well, she didn't stay away too long. The Lord brought her back to WI after Thanksgiving even though she didn't know why. I know she felt somewhat defeated. She had tried to make it on her own, but it didn't work out like she expected.

At this time, Sarah and I were both looking for jobs. I because Hallmark was closing; Sarah because she was moving back to town. In passing, we realized we had both applied for the same job at The Grocery Store. We both couldn't imagine that there was only one job available at The Grocery Store. Since I was in school and still had a job at the moment, it took a little longer for the interviews and paperwork to be completed, so Sarah was offered a job at PNS before me. Sarah calls me and asks if she should take the job. I say of course. There's no reason not to take the job; I told her not to worry about me. Some months later, she tells me she was very close to telling them no because she knew she had more money set aside and would be okay financially longer than I. Not much longer, I get the call which offered me a job at The Grocery Store. I start post-Christmas.

Sometime after school started back up in January, a guy shows up. Come to find out, Laramie had worked at The Grocery Store all through college, and he had been on a break after he finished school in December. I  recognized him and realized he had attended my college. Because of school, I worked at night, so I didn't work with Laramie too much. I did work enough to decide that it would be neat if Sarah and Laramie would connect. I don't think much of it though.

In February, Sarah sets up a night of bowling. I work until 11, so I can't attend. As I read the text, I wonder if Laramie will be there. The group of people decide to go out to eat after, so I join them. At my late dinner, I realize Laramie was at the bowling party. And I know Sarah put the bowling party together to be with Laramie. At this point, she and I have not discussed Laramie because we barely see each other.

In March, I work with Sarah on a Friday night. Some time in the early evening Laramie shows up. His face and arms are sun-burnt, and I overhear him telling Nate (a bagger) that he (Laramie) was with a friend for the day outside playing frisbee golf. Later in the night, Sarah asks me if her face is super red. I look at her and realize she's sun-burnt. Then it clicks. I ask Sarah if I made a connection correctly. She has a look on her face which I know means she wants me to delve a little deeper. So I explain that I saw Laramie was sun-burnt, and then I realized she was sun-burnt, and did they happen to get sun-burnt at the same time. As soon as the words are out of my mouth, Sarah says, "I've been dying to tell you that I like Laramie, and I was going to tell you on the bowling night, but then other people came to the late dinner." I then proceed to hear how she and Laramie have been chatting, texting, and hanging out.

On April 13, Sarah and Laramie are officially dating. Sarah and I don't get to really talk to the middle of May. She's 100% in love with Laramie, and Laramie is 100% in love with Sarah.

On June 13, Sarah and Laramie are engaged.

On October 13, Sarah and Laramie will be married.

I watched the romance start. I had some hand in moving them along initially. Though, once moving, they've moved pretty quickly.

I'm amazed at how the Lord worked their relationship out. I know neither of them would have guessed that they would find their life-mate at a grocery store. It amazes me to see the Lord's hand in their relationship, and I can't wait to see how the Lord will continue to guide them in their engagement time and then their married life.

I can read all the books that have great romance or watch all the movies with wonderful happy endings. But no romance is better then the romance seen in life, especially the romance of those you love.  

A Long Day

That's the only way to describe June 9, 2012.

It all started with nerves as I woke up when I realized today was the day I had to take my Praxis 2. I hadn't been nervous before because I was busy and because I hadn't studied much. I started studying, and it only made me more nervous, so I decided to just rest on my good attention throughout my classes and my good grades. But wow, the nerves hit this morning.

I arrived at the testing center almost an hour early, and actually it was an hour from when we arrived to when they finally let us start the test. The test started at 10:45. I headed into the building at 10:18. I found the room, used the restroom, and the next time I looked at the clock it was 10:28. I stared at the people around me trying not to make eye contact since I'm not Philip.

10:32, only 4 minutes passed? More staring at people; a brief conversation with another test taker. She tells me she's been studying like crazy for this test; she's also taking the middle school content. I withhold the information that I haven't studied at all.

10:38, good it's been 6 minutes and not 4. It would be uncanny if I looked at the clock only every four minutes. More staring and eavesdropping. I overhear fellow test-takers discussing if they can get a refund if they sign up for the test date in July to be safe, but manage to pass this one. I swallow and pray I don't have to retake this. I already had to pay $130; I don't want to pay another $130.

10:42, crap. What's with the 4 minutes??? Why can't it be 10:45 yet? I just want to start this test. My stomach is in knots, and I'm not feeling so great right now.

10:45, finally.

10:48.

10:50. Now they tell us what to do.

After that, we all filed into the testing room and were sent to our assigned seats. The rules/stipulations were read, we filled out our form.

11:09. Start the test.

Next commences two brutal hours of testing. My test had 120 questions--30 language arts/reading comprehension, 30 mathematics, 30 social studies, and 30 science. All those subject areas are super broad (hence the not knowing how to study and another reason for not doing it). The questions in each section were various and very specific. Don't ask me to explain because I'm trying to block it from my mind.

I stare at some of the questions having no clue how it's possible for me to eliminate any answers because I don't even know what they're talking about. I only have one or two of those. Most of the others, I narrow down and make an educated guess. Foolish me didn't bring a calculator, so I work out all the math problems by hand. I can't double check my answers.

I start watching the clock now that I have less than an hour left. I finish all the answers with 15 minutes to spare. I don't look at any of the questions. I've never, ever gone back through a whole test. Once in a while I'll star questions, but once I put down an answer I leave it. I anxiously wait the 15 minutes. I want to leave an curl in a ball. I keep thinking about how badly I thought it went.

I leave and dash to the car. As we leave, I continue to process, and realize I did work hard on the test. I took the test early enough, so if I don't pass, I have plenty of time to retake. The Lord's in control of this situation just like He's in control of all the situations in my life.

I'm exhausted and discouraged when I arrive home. Yet, I can't call it a day. June 9, 2012, is our public high school's graduation which means I must work the night shift at The Grocery Store.

It's a good thing I took a nap before I left.

It's blistering hot with humidity too. (I live in WI; there's always humidity). I arrive at 5. By 5:15, I'm on carts. Cart retrieval has to be one of the worst jobs in the world. Rain, snow, or shine carts must be brought in which means someone must retrieve them. You're sent on carts when the cart rack is almost empty which means you have hundreds of carts to bring in. It usually means you're busy, so there are great amounts of cars in the parking lots, and people and cars coming and going non-stop. Most cars and people don't pay attention to you, so you have to stop all 7-16 carts you're currently pushing.

I don't usually mind carts because it means I get a break from cashiering and customers. Yet, I was the only one sent to retrieve the carts since two UC's had "injured" themselves and couldn't bring them in, and the cart rack was almost empty.

At 6, they tell me to come in. I hadn't cleared the whole parking lot. I did head in twice for water. When it's hot and I'm active, my face gets super red, very flushed. Anyone looking at me will think I have a sunburn. Plus I'm positive I smell nasty because of the rivers of sweat pouring down my back, neck, and face.

Then I commence to check people out for 2 1/2 hours with maybe a minute here or there without a customer. That's normal; that I can handle. The rest of the night commences as expected--double coupon day with less workers because of scheduling issues because of graduation.

At 10, I have a customer who has seven transactions which take me 30 minutes total because I don't have a bagger, and she's a tad crazy. She wanted to do all sorts of things against store policy. The worst part was that she tried to be sweet about it all, but she was really nasty and mean. She had a, "I deserve this; you must make it work" attitude. She thought we were all idiots. I kept my calm throughout it all even though I really didn't want to. Getting upset wouldn't have helped anything. I swear, Saturday nights I get the worst customers. I don't know if it's because I'm extra tired, or it's double coupon day, or the awful customers decide to frequent the store especially on Saturday nights.

The store closed at 11, but still my night wasn't finished. The CSR and I had to finish getting the carts in for the night. Working together, we finished them and were done by 11:15.

Now, that I've detoxed through writing my long day, aka, June 9, 2012, has finished*. I'm heading to bed. As my song says, "Goodnight, and travel well." 

 *Yes, I realize it's technically now June 10, 2012, but I haven't slept yet, so the day hasn't switched in my mind. 

My Family on a Thursday Night

I made homemade lasagna, and it was delicious.

I love to cook. I love following the recipe while tweaking where I think necessary. I love cleaning the kitchen as I go. Cleaning as you go is an absolute must because then you are not left with a huge mess to clean up. But I love eating food I've cooked, and then discussing what was/wasn't good about the dish or meal.

Who is around of our family couldn't decide what to do after supper. Should we have a Rook tournament? Should we watch a Wuthering Heights? Or should we start a puzzle? We decided to start this puzzle:

Yes, we're going to die. I was working on the bottom dark green section. I put together 20ish pieces all night. When we all work on a puzzle it's quite funny. RuthAnn continues her hilarious ribbing at Philip. We stare at the picture and box and then at our pieces to figure out what part of the puzzle the piece is from. Philip and RuthAnn are humming, whistling, or singing something consistently. Joanna is in charge--telling us what to work on, deciding how the pieces should be sorted, and then which section each person is supposed to work on. Random comments fly across the table as the puzzle is worked on. Then Philip leaves to make us dessert. And we must comment on his cooking as we believe he's burning the food. It makes for an interesting night. 

Then we all go our separate ways. Since I don't work till the afternoon, I started and finished The Sisters Grimm: The Council of Mirrors, the final book in the series. I started the series years ago based on a suggestion from my piano teacher. The books weren't fantastic, but I continued because I read along with the publication of the books. Every time another one came out, I hoped it was the last. Nope Michael Buckley wrote nine Sisters Grimm books. 

All in all, it was a great time with my family. 

Ironwood Remembrances

My mind has been spinning the last couple of days as I've been remembering where I was a year ago. Tuesday night, I laid in bed for an hour thinking through my time at Ironwood.I had such an amazing summer at Ironwood, and I don't want to forget it. I don't want to forget the good times, I don't want to forget the bad times, and I especially don't want to forget the hard times.

The whole summer was completely outside of my comfort zone. First, I was at camp. I've never been a camp person and not really an outdoorsy person. Second, I was in California. I've never had a desire to be in California let alone visit. I have more desire to visit California now after being at Ironwood than before. Third, I was a counselor. I've never held camp counselors with the highest esteem. They're always pushy, want to become your best friends, ask annoying and too personal questions, and they tell you what your supposed to do the whole week. Fourth, I didn't know anybody at camp initially. The few people from my school were acquaintances. I was flying 2000 miles away to a place I had never been, and I knew no one. Fifth, I had mandatory lifeguard training, and I can't swim.

I remember the flight to CA was awful. Flying is not pleasant in the least bit. I had to be at the airport at five or six, so it was an early rise. I had a direct flight, and I arrived in CA around 2. Mom and Dad bought me breakfast, but I hadn't eaten anything since then, and I was starving. When I arrived and met up with my ride, I was told we needed to wait at least another hour for the others in our group, but we would get food as we left town and headed to camp. As it was Memorial Day and we wanted to avoid traffic, we took the longer route back to camp which made us arrive just in time for dinner with no opportunity to find our cabins, put our luggage away, or see the camp in daylight. The rest of the night was a blur of moving tables, meeting people, getting lost on camp, filling out paperwork, and feeling so out of place.

I remember the pit in my stomach which arrived everyday as lifeguard training grew closer. I felt sick as I got ready, and it kept growing as I walked down to the Lake. It was there as I jumped in the water, and only went away after I finished my eleven laps for the day and was finally allowed to go. I never wanted to be a lifeguard, but I wanted to make it through and do my best. I did my best; I've never worked so hard, but swimming is not my thing. I managed to pass the big three tests--swim eleven laps non-stop, retrieve three rings spaced apart without breathing, and then retrieve a ten pound weight from the bottom of the lake and swim back using one arm under two minutes. I truly have no clue how I managed to pass those, but somehow I did. I, however, failed my final test. After I cried for about an hour and talked to my mom and cried in the shower some more and thought everything through, I was fine. Through all of the training I kept telling myself I didn't want to be a lifeguard because the responsibility is massive, and I didn't believe I wasn't qualified enough as a swimmer to rescue people. I truly didn't want to be a lifeguard, but I had made it so far and worked so hard that when it wasn't enough I just had to cry and cry as a way to relieve the pressure and stress. I highly enjoyed the rest of my summer being the "frog"--the person who checked in and out the campers from the lake.

I remember the greeting of the campers on Monday morning. The Broken I Family, aka, BIF made so much noise when our campers arrived we scared Ikes and Rivertown teams and their arriving campers. In fact, anytime with my BIF was fantastic. I loved our hiking trip. I loved singing together. I loved our Saturday meetings with Mr. Scott's words of wisdom and advice. I loved how we became a family, yet we didn't fight or have family bickerings. I loved how we didn't have any hook-ups or relationships on our team. Not to brag, but we had the best team of the summer. I loved how the guys would egg Mr. Dennis on during campfire with the stories.  

I fell in love with juniors. They are so much fun to be with and around. Yes, I was a mother to them most of the time--telling them when to get up, reminding them to get a shower, brush their teeth, hang-up their clothes, eat their food, drink their water, helping them find all the things they lost, and much more. I loved the talks I had with some of my girls. I loved singing them to sleep every night. I know it sounds super corny; let me tell you how it happened. My first night with my first week of campers I couldn't figure out how to put them to sleep so they wouldn't talk all night. Kristen, a second year counselor, suggested letting them talk as you showered , but when you came out they had to be quiet. Well, I tried that replacing the shower with journaling. However, the girls were way too noisy; I came out and told them it was time to sleep because we had a super busy day ahead of us. For some reason, I started singing, and they were quiet. The second night, a camper requested for me to sing again; after that I sang my girls to sleep every night. It's one of the things I miss the most. I sang our camp songs we would sing day after day, so the girls would learn them; I sang songs from choir which I loved. Earlier in the summer, I sang more songs; by then end, I sang less because I realized the girls were asleep faster. Some nights, I'm positive I was half asleep as I sang the songs. I even sang my girls to sleep on camp-out nights.

So many amazing times and moments happened those twelve weeks much more than I've discussed in this post. That's what happens when I don't trust myself but trust God. But that will have to wait for another post.

Quick Update

The house is no longer empty. I picked Naomi and Joanna up from the airport at 11:30 at night. I'm working at 7 this morning. I couldn't stop thinking about Ironwood yesterday. Philip got an earful about Ironwood and other topics on my mind. RuthAnn gets home today. I have my last visit today with my Little Sister for the summer. I take the Praxis 2 in 10 days. I haven't studied for the Praxis 2. I volunteer for the library tomorrow morning and then must by some groceries for our house. Gosh, I'm busy.

An Empty House

I love my parents. I have more respect for my parents than any other people. They live wisely and always have wise counsel.

Yet, I love when they leave.

The house is quiet. There's such a noticeable decibel level difference when they're in the house, and generally our family is considered quieter than most. The house is clean. They're papers aren't laying all around the house. The kitchen stays clean. No coffee or tea cups are sitting on the ground. Shoes aren't left in random spots. They arrive home, and the house gets messier in minutes. I don't feel lazy for sleeping in till nine. Or staying in my bed reading or watching a movie. I can stay up as late as I like or go to bed as early. I love cooking for just the two or three who are around. I love the empty house all to myself.

My parents are traversing the States this summer to visit my older siblings and other relatives, so I'll have more times when it's just the house and I.